HELLO CUPCAKE ITS ME

My Battle With Depression, Weight loss, and Diabetes

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Monday, October 18, 2021

When a parent is homeless...

 

When you see a homeless person, typically your first instinct is to turn up your lip, or look at them in disgust. Sometimes, you have a nagging compulsion to help them. But more often than not, you just walk on by. If they ask you for money, most times people respond with discouraging words, or make up tiny white lies, and very few actually part with their money.

Homelessness is becoming more and more rampant as the years march on. Be it due to increasing rents, loss of jobs, mental health, or just a series of unfortunate events that have lead these men and women to become street dependent. Sometimes it is a choice that they walk out of their homes and on to the streets. Sometimes its forced upon them. We so often look at street dependent people and say things like "get a job" or "I would/wouldn't do (insert "wisdom")" But we each are closer to being homeless than being the next Kardashian, or becoming Insta-famous. 
We dont realize that we are just one missed payment, one lost job, one missed connection from being in that situation ourselves. I myself have experienced homelessness, through no fault of my own. My sister and I lost our house in the 2003 wild fires that went through San Bernardino California. In a blazing instance all of our prized possessions were gone. Decades of memories. Irreplaceable pictures. Treasured family heirlooms. Pets, clothing, furniture, everything that we had worked so hard to build, gone in an instance.


Remembering the last moments before we lost it all. The panic, the terror, the slightest tinge of hope that somehow a 4 alarm fire could be extinguished by a garden hose. The walking outside to see a hell scape where you beautiful neighborhood once stood. The sheer arrogance of people who didn't even belong in the area, driving up and down the streets watching people try to evacuate, and blocking the street so that the fire crew were not even able to make it. Piling everything that you could carry into the back of one of the 3 cars you had, and driving away from a burning inferno, hoping and praying you would have something to come home to, but knowing that you aren't. Thinking of the pets who you couldn't save because their fight or flight instinct kicked in. Hoping that the dog somehow got out of the garage, and knowing she didn't. Having to wander the streets of a city you've lived in for years, like nomads, because you have no place to go. 

You seek out what little comforts you can. You call on friends and family not really effected by the wildfires. They graciously offer you shelter for a night or two. But come the fifth day, patients and welcomes wear out.  The same outfit you had on since you ran out of your burning house, crusted with sweat and tears, and in desperate need of being laundered, but it some how feels like a security blanket, covered in the ashes of what once was. 

Your daily struggle takes on a whole new life. Now you must graciously walk away from your friends house where they have let you stay for a few nights, even though they politely tell you that you can stay, even though they in their hearts want to go back to how their lives were before you and your family showed up on their door step. You now have to find food, shelter, a place to leave your car while you return to work, and school. Trying to be upbeat and positive, even though you have told your story 1900 times before. Each time a new piece opens up that you had forgotten. You have to relive that nightmare over and over. The pity and socially expected "oh my god, I am so sorry to hear that, is there anything that you need? What can I do to help?" Knowing that there isn't anything that they can or would actually do for you even if you handed them a list of things that you truly needed at that moment in your life. To call upon those "offered" favors with any type of expectation, would only place a wedge between you and that person. So even though you quite literally need everything and anything, you say "no but thank you, just let us know if you happen to see a place for rent."

The true scope of humanity comes when you find yourself looking for a home, after a natural disaster happens. Places that were once within your price range, and for years had never rented for more than $600 a month are now $1200 because its a golden opportunity for the greed to seep in because you know the whole cornerstone of capitalisms "supply and demand".  Three long winter months. Your family separated when you are at your most vulnerable. One part stays with co-workers, but they have no place for you, so you have to find some place to go. There's family 70 miles away, that you go and stay with, and do, just so you dont have to sleep in your cold car again.

You begin fighting with them because they don't understand what you have gone through, and want you to get up, brush it off like it was just a small thing, and return to your daily life, when your daily life is now just trying to find a place to live, a way to eat, shower. Oh god what it was to be able to take a shower during the first few weeks of this new life. And to do something as simple as sleep without having waking nightmares, thinking you smell smoke. The "what if's" they keep you awake. Running down every impossible scenario like it was some how an option. Questioning every choice that you made leading up to the day the fire happened. Living with these open internal scars that are still raw and bleeding, and just needing time to process things. And every discouraging word rips open the fragile scab you have over them. People expect you to heal and move on in a timeline that they set upon you, not one that you can not even begin to have for yourself as your lungs still hurt from the amount of toxic smoke you inhaled trying to rush back and forth to save your home and life. 

Seventeen years later, it haunts you like a ghost, making you remember every moment of it. You heart beats fast, your eyes dilate, and the memories come flooding back, when you have to remember any portion of it. It hurts less now. You can talk about it without much pain. You can recant the feeling of going to sleep in your car, in a Walmart parking lot, and hearing people talk, and the security guards drive by speaking into their radios, giving the store management updates on your car, and how "it appears someone is sleeping in there." Because you know, a thin blanket rolled up in the windows to give you some sense of privacy, and provide just a small layer of warmth in the dead of winter, would suggest anything but?

And now you have a 70 year old parent who is homeless, and scared. You understand their situation, but can not have them stay with you or even close to where you live because of their toxic behaviors. You see, my sister and I tried to help her a number of times over the years. And her lack of basic respect and decency, along with her substance abuse, and possible underlaying mental health issues make it a horrid situation to even try and help. She labors under the delusion that things are still how they were prior to the 1990's. That she knows best, and that certain rules do not apply to her. Like smoking indoors. She has basically smoked since the day she was born. At times as many as two packs a day. 
My sister nor I smoke. We asked her the last time she lived with us, not to smoke in the house. She would light her cigarette in the kitchen, and then walk all the way through the house to the front door, so that she could smoke on the front porch instead of the 3 feet it was to the back door. We would come home and she would be sitting in her bedroom smoking with the window open, like that was somehow not smoking in the house, because the window was open.

When she came to stay with us that last time, we told her in advance that we were going to be moving out of state, and that she could only stay with us for a short period of time, basically up until the time we packed up and locked the door for the last time. She went around to all of our neighbors, people we had only a communal association with, as we lived in a trailer park and my niece played with their children, and would tell them all types of things about us. Her favorite 'tweaker' saying at the time was "i dont know what the fuck they are doing, they treat me like a mushroom, kept in the dark and fed shit". Because we didnt have a solid plan when we moved out of state.
It was originally supposed to just be me, so I had a plan and things situated for myself, but adding on another two people was difficult enough, but to add her to the mix would have made the whole thing impossible and would have burned all the bridges we could have had before they were even built.

At the time of writing this, I have to my left, a clipboard of information, housing agencies, federal and state programs, phone numbers, addresses, quickly jotted notes, and the like with ink freshly drying. Trying in vane to help someone who isnt even trying to help themselves. Every phone call I make, brings me that much more closer to getting a place established for her, only to receive a phone call from her and listening to her tell me how she doesn't "want to move into a studio apartment, it "HAS" to be a one bedroom, because a studio is to small" and this coming from the homeless woman living in a four person tent. The countless listings I've scrolled past because the simplistic rules established in the advertisement would be to much for her to begin to follow. The housing codes, and rental laws, I've taken the time to lean and to educate myself on, in hopes to help. The delicate integral dancing and word play, I have done speaking to these agencies and people to get to the point where a studio may even be an option, is like that of a Prima Ballerina Asaluta. Carefully choregraphed, carefully worded, key phrases mentioned, insiders jargon, brown nosing customer service, pampering, ego stroking, and professionally educated vocabulary spoken, to those who with a stroke of a pen could open the doors to a shelter for her to live in. Only to have her smack it away because it doesn't fit her bougie idea of living, yet being a street dependent tent dweller is some how the better option?

What does one do for a person like this? How can you begin to mask the drama that she brings with her. How do you window dress a situation in such a way that people do not see the tape holding back the deluge of negativity that embodies her. There comes a point and a time when you just sit back and wonder "why am I doing this? She is just going to mess it up again. She's not going to follow the rules. All of your hard work is going to be for nothing. Yeah she may get into a place and squeak out another five years or so, only for her to then be homeless at what 75 maybe 80. At which point  you will then have to try to figure this all out again? At that point her health may be even worse, and nursing homes are expensive and even if that was her only choice, she would some how figure out how to make them kick her out." 

The mental, emotional, spiritual, physical stress and exhaustion you feel, letting this all take up space in your mind, begins to effect your own mental well being. Your peaceful nights rest is taken from you, because you think about how cold you are laying in your own bed, safe in your own space, only to  remember the time that you lived in your car, and felt unsafe at 23, let alone in a tent at 70. 

What do you do? What can you do? You speak your heavy words in prayer, hoping that if there is some higher power, some universe creating being, that some how, some way, it would hear your voice, your humble prayers, above all else going on through the expansive universe. The shear hubris of even begining to believe that your voice, let alone your issues, would make the smallest difference to a cosmic being such as a god or goddess, or even register to them is laughable. But isnt that what we are taught from a young age? Let go and let god (whatever that looks like to you). 


Thursday, July 29, 2021

I started writing a book

 So I have always wanted to write a book. I have started many times in my life, and gotten tons of writing done, only to have a computer crash, or a online service go out of business and lose all of my progress. I have the starts of 3 books so far. One on spirituality and my spin on it, one that is short stories, and the latest one, a daily motivation book. 

In the past I've written poetry, and fantasy novels, but never really been able to make them pan out. I dont have any high hopes this time around either. But its something that I have begun and thought "hell why not?"
Daily when I wake up, I make a good morning post that is usually positive in nature. So I thought, why not copy all of them down, put them in a Word doc and then after a year, compile it into a book. So that is what im doing. I dont know if I will self publish, or approach a publishing company. If you've followed me for any length of time on any of my social media, then you will know that I operate my whole life on a "shoestring budget". So if there is any upfront publishing costs that will probably kill any hopes of it going from my desktop to the readers hands.
I know that they say "in order to make money you've got to spend money" but when you have no money to spend money then you do what you can with what you have afforded to you at the time.

There are many times that I have thought about publishing this blog into a book. But then again that is probably just my hubris thinking that anyone actually reads this.
I've talked a little about this on my YouTube channel and in some of my TikTok's but for right now it is just a pipe dream. Just something to pass the time. After all if you are doing something creative, then are you really wasting your time?

Monday, June 14, 2021

Trying to be positive is tiring

 


Trying to be positive and keep good vibes is tiring. You try day in and day out to be the type of person you want to see in the world, and time after time you have to resort back to being a jerk.

I know I have a temper, and that it gets the better of me at times. But I honestly do try to be a good person, and help others when I can. But there are just some days where its like, you know what "fuck you, fuck your family tree, I hope it dies at the roots."

The only thing I can do is my best. And I try to check myself and find myself grounding and centering more and more now days. Where I just have to take deep breaths and just laugh it off. But being bipolar having that clarity isnt always something that I have access to. But my reason for this post is just to remind everyone that we can not change the way others do things, but we can strive to be better and not add to the problem. Sometimes its easy, sometimes its hard. But just do the best you can.

Monday, May 3, 2021

One week and Counting

 

Well its only a week until I begin my state testing. I have butterflies the size of Mothra flying around in my stomach thinking about it.
My biggest anxiety is just completing the test and doing well on it. The other aspect is the "what if" side of it. What is going to happen after I pass the test? Am I going to try to start working as a Peer Counselor? What if I fail the test? Am I going to try and retake it.

There is so much going on in my mind right now I honestly dont know where to start, what to focus on, and what to do with the rest of it.

I have a camping trip coming up this weekend where I am supposed to go out with some friends and embark on their "Mothers Day Girls Only Trip" which should be fun and interesting as I am not a mother nor a girl. But I was invited so at the very least it should be entertaining if I can force myself to get out there and actually just do it. Last time I was invited to go to a camp out I had everything packed and ready to go and just couldnt bring myself to actually go. I also dont know if I want to go for a weekend trip when monday morning my testing starts. It seems like I should spend the weekend just relaxing and prepping myself. 

The rational sane side of my brain is telling me that I am being stupid and that I am making mountains out of mole hills. And I know that im way over thinking things. Im not really "vested" in this whole thing. I took a bunch of classes to better understand mental health and what have you and had fun getting the certificates and diplomas that I did get. And it is useful knowledge to have, considering that depression and things like that are at an all time high and seem to only be getting worse as time goes on.

I am feeling better just putting these feelings into words right now. I think it is just a form of therapy in itself to just journal these things. I mean after all this is the main principle and foundation of this blog and why I originally started it. 

Sunday, April 11, 2021

Today

 Today
by Michael Peterson 4/11/21

Today could be the last time we talked.
Today could be my last time seeing the sun.
Today could be the day that I stopped.
Today could be the day that I unleashed.
Today could be the day that your words broke the last brick in my crumbling wall.
Today could be the day that my depression gets the best of me.
Today could be the day that I see how good it feels to drag cold steel across my wrists.
Today could be the day that I let the darkness out to play tag, and forget how to run.
Today could be the day that you get the final call.
Today could be the day that you ask what you could have done.
Today could be the day that you finally saw the millions of things that was done to me prior.
Today could be the day that I failed the test.
Today could be the day that I was laid to rest.

Today was the day that I did something I thought I couldn't do.
Today was the day that I looked in the mirror, and said I love you.
Today was the day that I took back the narrative.
Today was the day that I put a semicolon instead of a period.
Today was the day that I continued my story.
Today was the day that forgave my personal transgressions.
Today was the day that I cried in happiness and not from pain.
Today was the day that I decided to move forward, even if it was alone.
Today was the day that I found my strength. Albeit temporarily. But I found where it was hiding.
Today was the day that I ripped the pages from my book of goodbyes.
Today was the day that I burned the pages that were written as notes to the people in my life.
Today was the day that I.....

Today was a good day!


Suicide happens when we least expect it. But for those caught up in the moment, it wasn't soon enough. It is the ending of pain, and the beginning of it too. Suffering is silenced, but the pain. The pain continues. The pain of guilt, of anger, of wanting to do more. Of wanting just a few more minutes, when you had all the time prior. When you could have taken the call. When you could have made the time. When you could have....

Depression, and suicide are symptoms of circumstance. Depression comes from being strong to long, from being lonely, from being heard, from being made to feel less than, from being unnecessary, for being the second, third, or even fifth choice.

We get caught up in our own lives that we seldom take time to genuinely ask "how are you" and truly mean it. It isn't until day or weeks go by that a voice or a presence is missed. Then they stand around and murmur to themselves "if I could have been there. if they would have only reached out..." But how many times before was a cry for help silenced by sending to voicemail? How many times was it that someone reaching out was met with "you have no reason to be sad, get over yourself, others have he worse off than you. Stop being a drama queen."

Many who suffer from mental health have very small circles. Many who suffer with depression feel they have no one else, because time and time again, they were made to feel that way. Many who attempt suicide, succeed. Not because the means were 100% lethal, but because no one took time to check on them.

If you know someone who is going through a rough patch, check on them. Dont wait until they are no longer here to say nice things about them. Say nice things to them. Make them feel wanted, needed, loved. Reassure them that they are not a bother to you. When you see their name on the caller id, dont swipe to voice mail. Take a moment, check in, and then call back if you have to. But follow through. Not calling back is worse. Your voice, you answering, you being there, you calling back, that can save a life.










Thursday, April 8, 2021

40 and new perspectives and some ramblings

 

So I turned 40 back in March. A milestone birthday. No longer a young kid, not quite an 'old' person. Midlife. I still feel like Im a teenager. I feel kinda like im turning 18. I still feel a connection to the teens of today, but now understand the adult world more, if that makes any sense. 

Im making some new headway in my life. I've been pursuing becoming a Peer Counselor and will be taking the state certification test in May. I've been taking a lot of online courses and just absorbing up any and all mental health classes that I can possibly get my hands on in hopes that it will help me, help others, while helping me get new insights into my own mental health. Its kind of scary and exciting all at the same time. I dont actually know if I will do anything with this certification. Right now I am doing it 100% for just gleaning insight into my own mental health like I said. I dont know if I am going to go into practice and take on clients, do group sessions or what.

When I talk to people about this, they look at me kind of cross eyed. Like they dont understand why I am putting in the effort and taking these classes and getting certifications and diplomas in all these different areas of study if im not going to do anything with it. I cant fully say what the motivating factor behind it all is, other than the subject is interesting to me right now. Well, I've always been interested in psychology I guess. I like knowing how people think and what makes them tick. Ever since I was little, I loved it when people would open up to me and tell me things that they wouldn't tell others. I've always been in the councilor role without really knowing it. And I have unwillingly fallen into the role with a friends adult son. He suffers with depression, bipolar, rage issues, and previous substance abuse. I see a lot of myself in him, and understand him on a level that I never really wanted to connect with him on. I understand the anger and rage and the bipolar outbursts. Everyone around him seems to run and hide when he goes off. I stand there in the midst of the outburst and see the pain and the overwhelming concern behind the screaming obscenities. Its like the more angry he is, the more calm I become. I've tried explaining to his family that when he is in this state that it has nothing to do with them and that it isn't directed at them, its his feelings coming to surface and is venting the only way that makes sense to him at the moment.
Maybe having this understanding and insider knowledge is what is pushing me to learn what I can. Maybe its my own bipolar mania that is driving me, and I am tricking myself into thinking that it is helping me understand myself? I dont know.

But turning 40 has really opened my eyes to a lot of different things. Mortality being one of them. Most of the men in my family dont live past 75, and being 40 gives me 35 years left. Where I feel that I have lived hundreds if not thousands of years most days. I realize that these remaining years are going to fly by. Some may think that I am being pessimistic about it and that I could live longer. But honestly I am being optimistic that I will live that long. I've had dreams of me being well into my 80's and 90's, but with my current health the way that it is, I dont know. Im trying to do better, but still not sure what the future holds. But it is something that I am thinking more and more about. 
I sometimes wish I could be like Dorian Grey and have a painting of me and my cat that aged slowly giving me a supernaturally long life, or even to be that of a Vampire. That at the end of my long life, when I have done everything that one can do, and accomplished things that would take an entire life of work and toiling to see come to fruition, then walk out to greet the sun and move on to the great beyond. My mortality doesn't really bother me, its more of the pain of the people that I would leave behind that bothers me. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a loving way. This world is so full of pain, and I dont want to cause it unnecessary with something as mundane as my passing. I know its part of the cycle of life, and with further advancements in science, it seems as if the hereafter is just a shifting of energy and moving into a new dimension.

But all these things are fanciful dreams and musings right? Retrospective seems to be a good term to attach to my turning 40. Not that I havent always had one eye on the past and one on the future, while trying to live in the present. Though jokingly I have found myself saying things like "when I was your age" or "when I was coming up" and things like that more often. And its funny to me. Like at this current moment in time, when I think of 20yrs ago I think of the 90's not the dawn of the new millennium. I have an inside joke with myself of being this elderly crone telling stories like "gather round children, and let me tell you of the old ways".  But at the same time, who and I to dispense such elderly arcane wisdom when I myself really havent done anything noteworthy?

I still have asperations for things that I would like to accomplish, and things that I would like to manifest into my life. But for now I am just taking baby steps to learn who this new Michael is. 


But all of that aside, you should head over to my YouTube channel and check out what's going on over there and get weekly updates. Unless you enjoy my ramblings when I remember to update the blog.

Thursday, March 11, 2021

Helping yourself to help others

 Recently I have picked up on my online education in Peer Counseling and looking to get back into school to try and finish out my AA. Ive been taking a lot of online courses and getting certificates and diplomas in various subject matters that I think will help me, help others in the long run.
Currently I am working on a course subject through a great website called Alison.com (click here to check it out) its free online education, and has so many different subject matters and offers you certification or diplomas in the various topics offered through their services. The class that I am working on right now is Stress Management in the work place. I have covered so many topics and gleaned information that has helped me in other areas of my life, especially when dealing with anxiety and stress. 

I figure that even if I never do anything with my peer counseling that I will at least have the knowledge and information to help not only myself with my daily mental health, but to help others who may come to me seeking help of their own. Im really loving doing all of these activities and taking these different courses, and just learning. Its mentally stimulating and has honestly helped me unpack some of my own issues.

I have covered some of this in my latest YouTube videos (click here to check it out). But just writing it out is giving me some much needed motivation to keep going through with it and making a difference for myself. I've like I said, still havent figured out what I am going to do with all of this knowledge. But I do think that I may volunteer at one of the local mental health or treatment facilities for a little while. What I would love to do is maybe someday try to open a mental health facility that is 100% free, so that everyone within the community can have access to help regardless of their medical insurance. 

It is something that is needed so much within the community and nation. I dont know what all the steps to even starting something like that would be, but I do know that if I were given the oppurtunity to do so, that is something I would like to see established. Even if I just got it started and walked away from it once it was up and running that would be awesome too.

I know only a few days from my 40th birthday seems like a bit of a late start, but I feel like this is the right time to accomplish some of these desires and small goals that I have laid out for myself. What are your thoughts? 

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Lipohypertrophy living loan Lone Star College Shooting loneliness lose weight losing weight loss plan lost low blood sugar low glucose levels Low income cell phone low income glasses low t low testosterone lower glucose lowering lowering glucose levels Luminaze lung health lyrics lyrics of depression Mainframe Support makeup managing diabetes Manic marijuana market mary lambert Master Card maya angelou Maya Angelou dead at 86 me meal plan meal prepping meals require medflash media / television medicaid Medical medical condition medical help Medical Review Medical Studies medical studies. medicare medicare part d medication medicines meditation melody road memory loss men's health Mental Health mental health issues Menu menu options merry christmas metabolic syndrome metabolism metabolites metersync blue miami Michael Keaton microstimulator military minimum purchases mission d.a.d mission dad Mixed Results On Computer-based Support For Diabetes mobility money money saving moods motivation mourning movie review Movie Reviews music music thearpy musings/thoughts/ideas must have MV-1 n-3 Fatty Acids Nanoparticle Suspension and Ultrasound Deliver Insulin Without Regular Injections natural home remdies natural suppliments need needing help needles needy negative thoughts neil diamond Network/Community networking new app new baby New Jersey's Universtiy of Medicine and Dentistry new medication New smart contact lens could monitor glucose for diabetics Nick Jonas night lights nissan no insulin Nook Tablet BNTV400 Review north aferica nova nordisk Now that the holidays are over obama obama phone obama wins 2012 obese Obesity obituries OCD ODD Oil Pulling Olycap omega-3 onetouch online magazines online medical records optical zoom optical123.com Optimus ERM optogenetics oral health oral hiv test oral swab oraquick overcome depression Oxygen paid marketing pancreas parental depression parkinsons passing Paula Deen pay attention payday payday advance paying kids to attend school pedometer personal food chart Personal Post pest pests photography pills ping plam beach county Plays poet port townsend positive thoughts Postpartum Depression pot prayer pre-owned pre-school pregnancies pregnancy prepper prepping preschool prescription president prevent complications prices processed foods product Product Review products Progress Project 1811 project rudolph proline promo codes promotional Promotions psoriasis Psy public health publich education purchas questioning quit smoking raisins reaching out real butter real-estate really scare rearrange recipes Record red meat red wine reefer reflux regenerate regular exercise rehab remodel research resistance resource resources retail therapy retinopathy revamp review Reviewing the Vapourlites Blueberry/Strawberry E Juice revitalift rich foods risk roller coaster russia rx s.a.d sadness safe sex safelink Safelink wireless sale salt Sandy Hooks Elementary School Schooting saving money savings scar school School Shooting schooling seasonal affective disorder Seattle self diagnosis self help self love self medicating senior resources seo sesame seed oil sex Shindigz Coupon Code Shootings shopping Short story shot record sick side-effects simple tips SIN TAX Site Review skin care skin tags skip meals skipping meals sleep sleep apnea smaller meals smart car smart cars smart phone smoker smokes smoking social media social security sodium software sore throat sores south beach south beach diet spiral notebook sponsored sponsored review sponsored; lawyer; family; legal; issues; sponsored/guest post spot removal. ssi Statin Labels stem cell stomach pain stoner stop smoking store stress stretch marks study submit submitted substitutions successfully lose weight sugar free sugar levels sugary foods suicidal thoughts suicide Supplementation Of Alternative Fuels Could Protect The Brain During Hypoglycemia support surgery systemic inflammation taboo tai chi take out tax tea tech teen teen mental health teens television temporary mood test animals test strips testicle testicular cancer testing testing supplies testosterone thanksgiving the learning company the lines project. #thelinesproject thearpy therapy thought Three Devastating Statistics of Diabetes Medical Malpractice title to write love on her arm tone Tosh.O toxins Tracfone trained professional transaction travel treatment trend diets tribute to my father triglycerides tsa tweets twitter twloha type 3 diabetes type-1 type-2 type-2 diabetes U.S. Medicare Part D Can't Explain North-South Disparities UK News ultra long acting UMDNJ underlying reasons Undiagnosed Pre-Diabetes Highly Prevalent in Early Alzheimer's Disease Study unhealthy unhealthy foods up and coming artist up and down upcoming holidays update uric acid usb value of a dollar vape vapor vapourlites vendor Veterans Day Video violation violence Visa Visiting Your Doctor Following ER Care For Chest Pain Reduces Risk Of Heart Attack vitamin d vitamin deficiency walking walking chart walnuts contain washington water waterski weed week in review Week of learning weigh yourself weighing yourself weight weight loss weight loss chart weight loss goals weight loss plan weight loss program weight loss success weight loss tips weight slowly what is it What Your Skin Says About Your Health wheel chair wheelchair whipped butter winter blues womens health Work Out workman's compensation workout X-Men x500 xanax Xenotransplantation Young people with diabetes dying due to lack of adequate healthcare Yourtel youtube YouTube Internet Sensations Then and Now

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birthday to me :) happy holidays Harvey Birdman hba1c health health benefits health care healthier fast food healthy healthy foods healthy lifestyle healthy snack hearing loss heart heart attack heart broken Heart Disease; Cholesterol; Stroke Prevention; Diseases and Conditions; Chronic Illness; Heart Disease; Cholesterol; Stroke Prevention; Diseases and Conditions; Chronic Illness; diabetes Heart Disease; Cholesterol; Stroke Prevention; Diseases and Conditions; Chronic Illness; stroke Heart Disease; Cholesterol; Stroke Prevention; Diseases and Conditions; Chronic Illness; Vioxx heart monitor heart on my sleeve heart problems heart rate heath and beauty hello hellocupcakeitsme.com help hemoglobin Her high blood sugar high school High-Fat Foods May Be A Factor In Glucose Control hiv hiv1 hiv2 hobbytron.com holiday holiday's home security alarms home testing Homeless Homeless Shelter Homer Simpson honda hospitalization Household Income Affects Chronic Disease Control In Kids Humalog Human IPSC Humor Humulin R U-500 hunger hungry hurt on the job hyperglycima hyperglycimic hypertension hypoglycemia hypoglycemic hypoglycemic episode iBGStar Blood Glucose Monitoring System Ice Cream Image improvement including mufa foods infection infested infographic information injury inspriation insulated bag Insulin insulin injections insulin patch insulin pump insulin shot record insurance claims internal medicine Interspecies Transplant investments ios ios 5 iphone iphone 4 its iTunes Iwerkz Foldable Bluetooth Keyboard Review Jenna Mables jewelry joann joann fabric and craft store joint pain Journal of Alzheimer's Disease juwait Keek kenguru ketoacidosis occurs kicking the habbit kid kidcare kids Killings kindle kindle fire kitchen counter kombucha Labor and Industry Lamp;I lantus Late-Life Depression lawyer learning issues legal help Lexapro LG Rumor libido life lifestyle changes light box lincoln Link Between Creativity and Mental Illness Confirmed in Large-Scale Swedish Study Lipohypertrophy living loan Lone Star College Shooting loneliness lose weight losing weight loss plan lost low blood sugar low glucose levels Low income cell phone low income glasses low t low testosterone lower glucose lowering lowering glucose levels Luminaze lung health lyrics lyrics of depression Mainframe Support makeup managing diabetes Manic marijuana market mary lambert Master Card maya angelou Maya Angelou dead at 86 me meal plan meal prepping meals require medflash media / television medicaid Medical medical condition medical help Medical Review Medical Studies medical studies. medicare medicare part d medication medicines meditation melody road memory loss men's health Mental Health mental health issues Menu menu options merry christmas metabolic syndrome metabolism metabolites metersync blue miami Michael Keaton microstimulator military minimum purchases mission d.a.d mission dad Mixed Results On Computer-based Support For Diabetes mobility money money saving moods motivation mourning movie review Movie Reviews music music thearpy musings/thoughts/ideas must have MV-1 n-3 Fatty Acids Nanoparticle Suspension and Ultrasound Deliver Insulin Without Regular Injections natural home remdies natural suppliments need needing help needles needy negative thoughts neil diamond Network/Community networking new app new baby New Jersey's Universtiy of Medicine and Dentistry new medication New smart contact lens could monitor glucose for diabetics Nick Jonas night lights nissan no insulin Nook Tablet BNTV400 Review north aferica nova nordisk Now that the holidays are over obama obama phone obama wins 2012 obese Obesity obituries OCD ODD Oil Pulling Olycap omega-3 onetouch online magazines online medical records optical zoom optical123.com Optimus ERM optogenetics oral health oral hiv test oral swab oraquick overcome depression Oxygen paid marketing pancreas parental depression parkinsons passing Paula Deen pay attention payday payday advance paying kids to attend school pedometer personal food chart Personal Post pest pests photography pills ping plam beach county Plays poet port townsend positive thoughts Postpartum Depression pot prayer pre-owned pre-school pregnancies pregnancy prepper prepping preschool prescription president prevent complications prices processed foods product Product Review products Progress Project 1811 project rudolph proline promo codes promotional Promotions psoriasis Psy public health publich education purchas questioning quit smoking raisins reaching out real butter real-estate really scare rearrange recipes Record red meat red wine reefer reflux regenerate regular exercise rehab remodel research resistance resource resources retail therapy retinopathy revamp review Reviewing the Vapourlites Blueberry/Strawberry E Juice revitalift rich foods risk roller coaster russia rx s.a.d sadness safe sex safelink Safelink wireless sale salt Sandy Hooks Elementary School Schooting saving money savings scar school School Shooting schooling seasonal affective disorder Seattle self diagnosis self help self love self medicating senior resources seo sesame seed oil sex Shindigz Coupon Code Shootings shopping Short story shot record sick side-effects simple tips SIN TAX Site Review skin care skin tags skip meals skipping meals sleep sleep apnea smaller meals smart car smart cars smart phone smoker smokes smoking social media social security sodium software sore throat sores south beach south beach diet spiral notebook sponsored sponsored review sponsored; lawyer; family; legal; issues; sponsored/guest post spot removal. ssi Statin Labels stem cell stomach pain stoner stop smoking store stress stretch marks study submit submitted substitutions successfully lose weight sugar free sugar levels sugary foods suicidal thoughts suicide Supplementation Of Alternative Fuels Could Protect The Brain During Hypoglycemia support surgery systemic inflammation taboo tai chi take out tax tea tech teen teen mental health teens television temporary mood test animals test strips testicle testicular cancer testing testing supplies testosterone thanksgiving the learning company the lines project. #thelinesproject thearpy therapy thought Three Devastating Statistics of Diabetes Medical Malpractice title to write love on her arm tone Tosh.O toxins Tracfone trained professional transaction travel treatment trend diets tribute to my father triglycerides tsa tweets twitter twloha type 3 diabetes type-1 type-2 type-2 diabetes U.S. Medicare Part D Can't Explain North-South Disparities UK News ultra long acting UMDNJ underlying reasons Undiagnosed Pre-Diabetes Highly Prevalent in Early Alzheimer's Disease Study unhealthy unhealthy foods up and coming artist up and down upcoming holidays update uric acid usb value of a dollar vape vapor vapourlites vendor Veterans Day Video violation violence Visa Visiting Your Doctor Following ER Care For Chest Pain Reduces Risk Of Heart Attack vitamin d vitamin deficiency walking walking chart walnuts contain washington water waterski weed week in review Week of learning weigh yourself weighing yourself weight weight loss weight loss chart weight loss goals weight loss plan weight loss program weight loss success weight loss tips weight slowly what is it What Your Skin Says About Your Health wheel chair wheelchair whipped butter winter blues womens health Work Out workman's compensation workout X-Men x500 xanax Xenotransplantation Young people with diabetes dying due to lack of adequate healthcare Yourtel youtube YouTube Internet Sensations Then and Now

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