So the last few days I’ve been really upset because I just feel like I haven’t had a voice, and whenever I do say something that I am chastised for doing so.
Since going back to mental health and working through some things, I’ve been told time and time again that I need not bottle things up and to let those around me know and understand how I feel.
So I tried doing that a few days ago when it was brought to my attention that there was going to be a visit from a family member that both myself and my sister haven’t seen in a while, and that we were going to go to my moms house to meet up with our aunt from back east, and that she may want to come back and visit with us here in Washington for a few days. Well as many of you might know, I have issues with my mother, and have a fear that she will find where we live and just randomly show up and not leave and cause a ton of problems how she has in the past. And its my fear that when we go to my moms house and if my aunt wants to come back with us, that my mom would leech the opportunity to come along with her, thus finding where we live.
When I brought this to my sisters attention, she attacked me by saying that she didn’t care that she wanted to go see our aunt, and that she didn’t want me to come if I was going to be “negative”. I don’t see how me having a general concern and not wanting her (my mom) to come here to Washington, that she’ll just randomly show up and cause a shit ton of trouble for both me and my sister.
You see, the last 2 or 3 times we tired letting her visit us, she would show up unannounced because her and her boyfriend would be fighting and she would ask to stay and promise not to go back and what have you. The last time this happened was right before we left California and moved here. She came to stay with us, after we told her that we were moving that she could only stay with us for a very short period of time.
She went around to our neighbors, of whom we really didn’t even talk to, despite the fact that we had lived in that place for 4 or 5 years, and began talking shit to them about us, and putting all of our business out there. Now we live in a very small tightknit community, and my sister owns a Day Care. That is all that we would need is for my mom to weasel her way up here, somehow anchor herself here, and then start talking shit to people whenever she got pissed off at me or my sister.
I know that I should just probably shut up and let my sister f**k herself over, but it was my original intentions to move away from California and all the drama of my sister, and her at the time boyfriend. She is the one who latched on to me and moved up here. I had everything worked out so that when I got up here I would have a job and a place to live, but that all changed when the people who where going to put me up and hire me found out that she was coming along too.
So for the last 3 days I’ve been really upset and angry and stressed out about the possibility of my mother wanting to come to Washington if my aunt decides that she wants to come visit us. I’ve found that when I am starting to spiral to far out of control and into depression and my bipolar takes hold of me, that if I switch on some music that it helps me calm down and not focus on things as much. It still really bothers me though that I can not express myself to her (my sister) or others without them totally blowing up at me and getting pissed off at me because I decided not to bottle it up. So I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t!
What would you do if you were me?
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