Something to think about…

I woke up this morning and this flowed out of me, I feel that it is something that we all need to think about and apply to our lives.

If there was just one thing that you were able to find out about your future what would it be? And how would knowing that one thing change who you are today? And why would knowing it change you you are today?

Why are you not being the best 'YOU' you can be, and why would news from your future self change that? No ones future is set in stone. We use the past to determine the future, but what if you come from a broken and troubled past? Are those the building blocks you wish to use to shape your future? Or are we so flawed that we find peace in chaos and know not what we do and continue to repeat the actions of our past?

Through mediation and thought we can find those links to the past and the direction we sail now. YOU and only you can inspire the happiness you seek. By placing positive energies into the world, you will bring forth the happiness you seek. Step outside your box and learn to do without return.
When you help others you are opening positive flows of energy to take you down a new path. Whit so much evil and negative energy in the world why add to it by being evil and negative yourself? A flower doesn't because its full of evil intent, it blooms because it absorbs the light and love of the universe.
And because of it we become happy when we see its beauty and take time to smell its perfume, and take it as a symbol of love when given to someone else.

If you were to die today, what would your legacy be? What would you be remembered for by those you leave behind? You by no means need to be worshiped as an idol when you pass. But would you be missed because of your loving nature, or remembered for those times of your greatest evil?

Take a few moments today to reflect on your life and what you want it to be in 6 months from now and 1 year from that and 5 years from that and so on... What are your actions today doing to you and those around you? What webs are you spinning when you lie, and did you need to lie?

How do you want to live, how do you want to be remembered. What good is hard work without true payoff?

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Best prices on new glasses - Eyebuydirect.com

I just got a new set of glasses for $60 that are transition lenses, uv protection, anti-scratch, computer user friendly for less than $60 including free shipping...The picture is of my new glasses. This same style of frame started at $120 through my eye doctor, but that was just plan lenses no 'bells and whistles' or protection and a 4-6 week wait time. The ones I got from EyeBuyDirect were $6 INCLUDING LENSES! With ‪#‎EyeBuyDirect‬ I got my entire set with all the above "bells and whistles" for less than $60 and I had a coupon for free shipping so that saved me $6, and I will have my glasses in about 2 weeks.

If you all need new glasses go check them out. Get your regular eye exam and then have your dr. give you your prescription including pupil distance and then use this promo code IFSW4F2T4X to get 15% off your purchase. Use this link http://www.eyebuydirect.com/228428

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Eyebuydirect.com deals and promotions

Hey everyone if you are looking for cheap quality glasses starting at $6.00 then your going to need to head over to www.eyebuydirect.com Eyebuydirect.com is so amazing, and they have killer frames. What sets them apart from other eyeglass providers, is that they are an independent company that has no middle man, and amazing buying power to offer you the very best in eye glass fashion. And with many frames starting at $6.00 you are sure to find some that you love.

So whats the catch? Well nothing really. You already need glasses, all you need to do is have your prescription ready with your pupil distance, and thats it. Your glasses are delivered to your home within 2 weeks of ordering them. They also have a really nice kids selection. Lets face it, kids are hard on glasses (as well as other items) and we cant always afford to run out and spend $300+ for something that can get broken on the playground.

Well their kids frames also start at $6.00 and come in many shapes, and sizes, making it affordable to stock up on a few pairs. And dont worry about scratches, and the sun. Eyebuydirect.com offers a wide range of features such as prescription sunglasses, tinting, progression lenses, computer coating, scratch resistance, and more.

I have been using their services for years now (check out my review video I did) and I refer my friends and family to them whenever I can. I even have business cards with their info on them. And there are always so many promo codes and specials all the time that make saving money and getting a great deal even more easy. Here are some that are good until Feb 2016.

Offer	Code	Status
15% off one purchase	PLOP8H876YWK	Expires on Feb 12, 2016
Free shipping	PLFSDDY9VGRS	Expires on Feb 12, 2016
20% off sunglasses frames	PLPSHRVBWFND	Expires on Feb 12, 2016
Free tint on any non-sunglasses frame	PLFTFJNL8YNA	Expires on Feb 12, 2016
10% off any purchase	PLAPBGJW5UGY	Expires on Feb 12, 2016

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Creatively stumped

Ok so as most of you know im a pretty creative person who loves doing all types of arts and crafts and learning different things. I have always wanted to try playing a violin though i can not play ANY instrument because well that skipped over me, as my dad, and grandpa could play just about anything they picked up but my dad played guitar/harmonica/and a bit of keyboard, and my grandpa played guitar/piano, and my dad and grandparents both could sing really well. Well the musical gene just said yeah fuck you fat boy and went away. I have an ear for music, but can not play it.

So recently I found a violin that is VERY cheap and in no way anything that the 'masters' or 'professionals' would even use for a tooth pick. but I really have wanted to get it (if i had the money) and try it out. And everyone in their grandmother have said the same thing "um WHY? you cant play...?" And I acknowledge the fact that i cant. But it is something that I feel i might be able to. Ive always had that feeling. And even if i cant play it, I would like the chance to at least try and maybe pass it off later down the road if it starts collecting dust.

Same thing with another creative 'want' of mine. Ever since I first seen a Cricut I have always wanted one. There is one called the Cricut Explore that I would really love to have. What they do is they allow you to make cutouts of items and can do all kinds of amazing things with them. Though they are a bit pricy it is still something I would like to get just because i can think of thousands of things to make with one. But I was told "it would eventually just collect dust, much like my other crafting exploits...")

I was a bit saddened by this and yeah it may be at one point down the road, but it doesnt change the fact i would still like to give IT a try. Im just feeling a bit put off by the lack of support and the creativity around and in my life right now. I never knew how to knit before a few weeks ago but even thought its not traditional needle knitting but knitting on a loom its still something that i taught myself mainly out of necessity because otherwise i wouldnt have had christmas gifts for most of the people on my list.

And I use to love to paint and I still do but cant right now because i have no paint because being the good person i am I lent out my supplies to friends, who used alot of it and never replaced it.

I have alot of creative ideas and sparks, but I honestly dont know what the point of this post is, other than just a rant in hopes of me not dwelling over it much more.

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Married to the Needle

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="181"] November Diabetes Awareness Month[/caption]

Hello, my name is Michael Peterson. I am a 33-year-old male who was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes June 26th 2008. I was rushed to the hospital with DKA (Diabetic Ketoacidosis).

Diabetic ketoacidosis is a complication of diabetes that occurs when the body cannot use sugar (glucose) as a fuel source because the body has no insulin or not enough insulin, and fat is used instead. Byproducts of fat breakdown, called ketones, build up in the body. Well I had lost 15% of my lean body muscle and became extremely sick.

I knew I was getting sicker and sicker. My symptoms actually started in 2007 but I did not seek medical attention until 2008 when it was almost to late. I was not able to drink water, and was urinating every 3-5 minutes. I had a horrible rotten meat taste in my mouth and slept 85% of the day. The only thing I was able to drink was sprite and oj. I finally one day told my sister (who i was living with at the time) to take me to the hospital because i just wasn't feeling well. The admitted me there on the spot with a blood sugar over 1600. The ER staff was amazed that I was not in a coma and was able to actually walk.

I stayed in ER Triage for 3 days, they didnt know if I was going to make it. My G.A.P. level was 32 and it was supposed to be at most 10. I had a team of 7 doctors who checked on me every 4hrs. All the staff kept saying that I was on my way out. It was hard for me and my family to keep hearing that.

When I was stabilized enough, the moved me to ICU where I spent another week. At one point they inserted a PICK line into my thigh because i kept breaking the IV and they couldn't get enough fluid in me. On top of the DKA I was badly dehydrated. I took over 30 bags of fluid. All in all I was in the hospital over 3 weeks.

I started this blog back in 2010 to help me just deal with all the issues I was under going. and as a way to also voice my frustrations, and deal with the mental health issues that sprang from my diagnosis. So my blog now reflects both my day to day struggles as a diabetic, and as someone who suffers with depression and being bipolar. It is a long hard road but its my life now, for better or worse, Im married to the needle.

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Starting up an old hobby

I have started my comic card collection once again. It is kinda
hard to do and very heavy hearted endeavor. I had so much money, time, and memories invested in my last collection. I started my
first collection back in 1992 and kept it going until 1997 when I
moved in with my dad. These cards were my anti-drug. It spawned a love and desire. Though I may not know all about the different characters on the cards, the excitement for me was getting the money (a feat not easily done because my family was poor, so any money i was able to get from my mom was amazing) and walking the almost mile to the baseball card shop and with wide eye wonder looking at all the different cards that they had and seeing my comic cards sitting on the shelf.

I would pay out the little money i had and would get as many packs as i could and then I would open them quickly hoping to find cards i didnt already have. The store keep, kept a binder of 'spare' cards that he would allow me to trade from if i had doubles. It was an amazing and magical time for me. I never really understood how much it had meant to me until I had lost all of them and started this new collection just days ago. Now that im 33 and an adult Im still in that same 'poor' situation that i was when i was a kid but now i have a few extra dollars here and there that i can maybe put toward this, if I decide to keep up with it.

I lost my entire collection due to a house fire in the California Wild-Fires of 2003. So im happy with the small start that I have but like I said Im not sure if im going to keep up with it.

Below are just a few of the pages that I have in my new collection.

[gallery ids="3103,3104,3105,3106,3107,3108"]

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Contents under pressure

For the last week and a half I have felt like I am under a ton of pressure. Not like stress or work related but emotional pressure. I have just had a ton of things land on me and cause me grief. I have fought with my family, gone to dark places in my mental health and so much more. Being bipolar and suffering from massive manic depression it can be a rollercoaster to say the least.
There are members of my family who don’t understand the mental anguish that they cause and if they do then they just don’t care which I think might even be worse.
But when I say that I am in a dark place it means that thoughts of hurting myself or suicide have come to mind. Thinking that ‘maybe if I just hurt myself, maybe then they’ll notice’ but that is really not good thinking and looking at that statement now that im not manic at the moment, I realize that its like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Its just not good for me to be that upset. I know I have blogged about being depressed and stuff like that at times, but its just something that I deal with daily. Yes I do take medication for it, but sometimes the meds lose out to the biologically illogical.

My one wish would be to make everyone understand how bad it can/does get, and that many times im not being a jerk its just that im having emotional overload and cant function correctly. I don’t know how else to put it. But really outside of being depressions bitch, I have been otherwise pretty well. No major health problems, which is always a good thing. I did a more kinda ‘in-depth’ video on YouTube about it. So if you want to see it head over to the channel. Anyways hope all is well with the rest of you :)

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The Appeal of Her–a movie review

I just got done watching the movie Her with Joaquin Phoenix. I must say that this movie hit a little to close to home for me. The movie revolves around a heart broken man who is in the midst of divorce and isnt sure how to move on with his life. Then he learns of a new Artificial Intelligent Operating System (AI OS) that is being marketed as the very first personal computer operating system.

After installing the software to his computer, he and the OS begin conversing, asking simple ‘get to know you’ questions. He at one point asks if she has a name of which she chooses Samantha. As the movie progresses Joaquin and Samantha begin growing closer and form a relationship. As an AI, she is able to expand and learn past her programming. So they begin “dating” and he shows her new experiences, and he falls in love with her because she understands him and is able to fill that void in his life.

Well I began thinking about it, and I could see myself in Joaquin Phoenix’s shoes if that were me and an AI OS. Here you have ‘someone’ who is with you at any given moment, who has the ability to ‘feel’ and to ‘enjoy’ your company and time you two spend together. I could see myself becoming wrapped up in something like that, because of the emotional connection vs the physical. If you think about it, we pretty much already have those types or relationships.
With things like Facebook and Twitter and Social Networking Sites, we develop virtual relationships with people that many times we don’t ever know in real life. Yet we come to depend on our daily interactions with them. We love seeing their photos, their status updates, the funny random things that they post on their profiles, but whats to say that they are actually ‘real’? We take for granted that they are real but what if it was just a computer program and Photoshop that makes up that person that we have come to know and love on some level?

I could see depressed and lonely people latching on to their computer systems and falling madly in love with the digital persona. I for one know that I would/could. But with the development of such a system, I fear for the human race, as we would become so self absorbed in our digital romances and lives that all physical interaction would cease to exist, except for maybe persons who could not afford computers and the OS, or those people who are anti-technology.

But all in all it was an amazing movie that had complex emotions and feeling, and personal undertones of how people who suffer from depression and loneliness seek out comforts and build bonds with things that are sometimes either inanimate or that feel real.

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What side are your lines?

Mine will be on my left. I will also have some on the right. Those lines will be hearts and stars, signifying that the hopes and dreams of those suffering will one day come true.

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As Thanksgiving nears

Been doing some thinking over the last week or so. It feels like 2013 is going by so quickly, or at the very least that parts of it has. I look back over the last year and think of the great times that I had, and the horrible tragedies that have happened.

I lost my aunt, my dad, and my grandfather, but rekindled my relationship with my estranged brother.
I have been out of state twice, once for fun and once for a funeral. I have met some new people, and even had the possibility of having a relationship. I feel as if I have grown, yet staid the same. I feel so very old, but knowing that I am so very young. I find myself constantly looking to the past for comfort and to see where it is that I have been. Because of my constant depression and bipolarism I can not gage where I am going. But I have placed some hopeful goals in the foreseeable future. I am hoping that 2014 is much much better. There are a few things that I want to get out of 2014 that I know I wont accomplish in 2013 with they days ticking away.
I’m going to make a vow and try to uphold it for myself. I am going to make a series of jars, filled with wishes and undertakings that I want to do in 3, 6, and 12 week times. Im going to make a depression jar and feel it with what has bothered me for the year, and im going to make a jar for what has made me happy for the year. It is my hope and intent that at the end of the year the 3, 6, 12 jar is empty, that my depression jar is only a quart full, and that my happy jar is over flowing.

I have been looking at the positives of my life lately and trying to see the good, but it seems like all I want to do is withdraw from the world with those few select people and call it good. But I cant. I know I can not just shut the door and keep the whole lf the world away from me. I must resolve to make change as I can, and not get my hopes up to high, but high enough to possibly see the horizon. So this Thanksgiving, as you sit with your loved ones, really take stock of your life, your friends, and your dreams, accomplishments, and pitfalls. See where you can change and correct, and where you can grow and enjoy more.

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A simple soliloquy

Tonight under the full moon, I went out and then silent reverence let out a prayer and put it out into the universe. A simple soliloquy that came directly from my heart. I need for change, a want for change. I know there are things in this world that I cannot change, or let alone have the ability to change. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed with everything that I would like to see done, that it really begins to stress me out. So tonight I went out under the full moon, and just let it all out. I put it out there for the universe to provide to me. I just put that energy out there in the world, and I know that if it's meant to be then it shall be, if not then it wasn't meant to be. There's a lot of things that I would like to do. A lot of things I would like to see, a lot of changes I want in my life. Sometimes prayer is the only thing that you can do. I find that its very relaxing, and very liberating, to just let that energy flow from you and into the universe. So tonight was a night that I felt that I would bother whatever natural forces exist, and say my silent moonlight prayer. Some call it Drawing Down the Moon, others call it prayer, I call it my alternative to counseling.

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Up AnD dOwN

 

This week has been a serious burden on me. My emotions have run high, I have had panic attacks, I have cried, I have more questions than I have answers for, I have been made to feel bad, I have been faulted, I have been mocked and ridiculed, and have been depressed.

First I went and met someone I’ve been talking to for awhile. Had a really nice lunch, some nice quality time, and a nice dinner. We didn’t have any awkward silence, it was nice natural quite times. Dinner went nice. But something felt off, and I think it was me. It’s been so many years since I’ve been with someone, that I sadly lost my game I think. There was flirtation and what have you, but just my over all mojo was lacking to say the least. I do hope that we keep seeing each other and that things take off but well if it don’t then I guess that the universe still has something else in mind for me then.

I've also just been an emotional wreck. I've been stressed out, I've been weepy, angry, and just over all aggravated. I don’t know what is going on with me. I'm just all over the place with my emotions. I’ve been trying to implement some things that I learned or was told to do in counseling, which has been like pushing a boulder up a 90 degree hill with butter for shoes. My therapist has been wooting me on, and giving me great suggestions of what I should and shouldn’t do, which has really helped. I always have a pit of despair going into the session but coming out I feel empowered. And I mainly feel its because I have someone to actually talk to.

So all and all, its been extremes up’s and down’s. I so hope that this week ends on a positive note and that next week is so so SO much better!!!! 

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Advising when you need advising

Sometimes I find myself giving advice when really I need it more than ever. I am the type of person that will typically put myself on the back burner to help those around me, even though my day to day attitude may seem different.

I have a very gruff exterior and only let people see parts of me when I feel that they should, when they should. But most of the time people say that Im a good guy, and fun, loveable, and carefree. There are others that would beg to differ. I find that when giving advice to others, I am subconsciously giving myself the advice and working through my problems at the moment. I pick and chose parts of my life and experiences to help those who have turned to me for help. Typically helping the both of us at the same time. Listening to others helps me as well. It helps me to understand others thought processes and give me additional insight.

Though I must admit that there are those times when people are turning to me when making life choices that I feel almost wrong or guilty for telling them what they should do when in all reality I don’t know what I would do if placed in their situation. But I guess that is what makes listening and advising so great. You provide a service to others when they are in desperate need of help or just needing someone to talk to, and subsequently giving you a sounding board too. Its kind of like therapy for the therapist if you would.

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Reaching out…and not being there!

So sometimes I go through periods where I absolutely freeze up and just need someone to talk me down and help me get shit figured out. Today was one of those days.

Since having become bipolar, I find that there are times where I just freeze and get overloaded with information and need help processing things which can lead to me becoming temporarily super dependent and when I am reaching out trying to find that help to get me out of that situation and I can not find help or make contact, then I begin to have a panic/anxiety attack which then makes everything 100% worse.

I hate this about myself but well it is something that I am learning to live with. The person that I typically reach out for is my sister because 9 times out of 10 she is the one who is closest and the one who typically always helps. Well today when I had my moment and needed her, she wasn’t there to help me. I called 5 times, I called her work, sent her text messages and everything and nothing. It was when I was about to really break down that she finally called me, sporting full attitude at the fact that I was pissed off that she wasn’t answering her phone. Most people would say “well maybe she was busy” or “maybe she didn’t hear the phone” or “maybe she was out of service area”…all fine and true IF I didn’t know her coverage better than what I do.

You see she decided to go out with a friend. I know that for the most part she is 98% covered with cell signal, or at least enough to send/receive texts. THIS is what was really beginning to piss me off and cause me to really panic. To top it all off, I had my niece with me. Which I began to think (in my bipolar delusion) ‘wtf am I ever going to do if I need to get a hold of her and she wont answer her damn phone and I have to take my niece to the hospital’?

So finally when she did call back, and like I said, sporting major attitude about having to do so, I told her never mind that I didn’t need her anymore that I was having as she calls them “one of my moments” not to bother calling back, which set off the rage part of the bipolar. Thankfully my niece was there to help me regain composure but if she hadn’t been there I probably would have been on the side of the road crying my eyes out. I hate that about myself…I hate that feeling of hopelessness, and having and needing that level of dependency on someone or something to help bring things back into focus.

I know that I am 32yrs old and should be able to take care of myself, but it is hard to do when you are going into melt down mode and you just need that other person to pull you in, when you are in sensory overload.

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Sometimes Music Helps

So the last few days I’ve been really upset because I just feel like I haven’t had a voice, and whenever I do say something that I am chastised for doing so.

Since going back to mental health and working through some things, I’ve been told time and time again that I need not bottle things up and to let those around me know and understand how I feel.
So I tried doing that a few days ago when it was brought to my attention that there was going to be a visit from a family member that both myself and my sister haven’t seen in a while, and that we were going to go to my moms house to meet up with our aunt from back east, and that she may want to come back and visit with us here in Washington for a few days. Well as many of you might know, I have issues with my mother, and have a fear that she will find where we live and just randomly show up and not leave and cause a ton of problems how she has in the past. And its my fear that when we go to my moms house and if my aunt wants to come back with us, that my mom would leech the opportunity to come along with her, thus finding where we live.

When I brought this to my sisters attention, she attacked me by saying that she didn’t care that she wanted to go see our aunt, and that she didn’t want me to come if I was going to be “negative”. I don’t see how me having a general concern and not wanting her (my mom) to come here to Washington, that she’ll just randomly show up and cause a shit ton of trouble for both me and my sister.

You see, the last 2 or 3 times we tired letting her visit us, she would show up unannounced because her and her boyfriend would be fighting and she would ask to stay and promise not to go back and what have you. The last time this happened was right before we left California and moved here. She came to stay with us, after we told her that we were moving that she could only stay with us for a very short period of time.
She went around to our neighbors, of whom we really didn’t even talk to, despite the fact that we had lived in that place for 4 or 5 years, and began talking shit to them about us, and putting all of our business out there. Now we live in a very small tightknit community, and my sister owns a Day Care. That is all that we would need is for my mom to weasel her way up here, somehow anchor herself here, and then start talking shit to people whenever she got pissed off at me or my sister.

I know that I should just probably shut up and let my sister f**k herself over, but it was my original intentions to move away from California and all the drama of my sister, and her at the time boyfriend. She is the one who latched on to me and moved up here. I had everything worked out so that when I got up here I would have a job and a place to live, but that all changed when the people who where going to put me up and hire me found out that she was coming along too.

So for the last 3 days I’ve been really upset and angry and stressed out about the possibility of my mother wanting to come to Washington if my aunt decides that she wants to come visit us. I’ve found that when I am starting to spiral to far out of control and into depression and my bipolar takes hold of me, that if I switch on some music that it helps me calm down and not focus on things as much. It still really bothers me though that I can not express myself to her (my sister) or others without them totally blowing up at me and getting pissed off at me because I decided not to bottle it up. So I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t!

What would you do if you were me?

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Happy 3rd Birthday Hellocupcakeitsme :)

Has it really been 3 whole years…wow! Well this year unlike last year it has really struck home that the blog has been up and going for that long. I may not update it daily but I do feel its presence in my daily life.

There as been a lot of things that have developed with me in this last month. I’ve learn, and lost, and stepped back and looked at the whole picture as best as I can see it. I really didn’t accomplish any of the goals that I sat out to do this past year with a few exceptions.
I have been working in other mediums such as Keek.com, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. I have really looked at myself and the others in my life, and taken stock of their role therein.

Right now I probably shouldn’t be trying to write a cheery post because im a bit depressed and upset, and you can find a video that im going to post about it later on the YouTube channel.

SO what are the plans for this coming year? Well im going to try and do a weekly live talk show that will be dedicated to helping others with their problems and with their journeys in their own personal lives. I am hoping to really get back into the whole exercise thing like I was doing back in 2010 as I have really slacked off and need to do so again.

I will be adding more posts, as well as videos to YouTube. I also believe that im going to try and move away from the weight loss, medical news, and tips and get back to the heart of this blog which was supposed to be me, myself and I. I’ve been at this long enough that I need to start focusing on myself some more and hopefully this will be the year of change for myself.

But for now I want to say thank you to all of you who have come along with me, throughout my up’s and down’s and that you continue to stick with me. Its been a fun ride, lets see what the next 365 holds!

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YouTube Internet Sensations Then and Now

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The Long Days of My Life

The days of my life have become very long and extended. I now fully understand when at funerals they say “he/she lived a very long, full, and happy life.” However, with depression, sickness, and bipolarism filling many of those days I doubt the “happy” part.

As I sit here and write this post, I am 32 years old. I feel 962 years old. I feel the very weight of the world, and barely hear the clocks hands tick by. Seconds seem like minutes, minutes seem like hours, hours feel like days, days; weeks; weeks; months; months; years. I look back at my past and think of those days as just yesterday, but realize that the times I so fondly look back to were over 20 years ago. Many days I sleep just because I can not handle the slow progression of time. Other days it seems as if time has somewhere to go as it passes quickly.

Really the only measurement of time that I seem to have is when to change the cat box, and when to put the trash out. Above and beyond that… I look at myself in the mirror and see the same person staring back, yet when in pictures of recent, I don’t see myself. I see a large shell with unrecognized features peering from the paper. I hear my voice and I know it to be mine, though when recorded I hear something totally different. Am I really fractured? Do I live as two different people? The one the world sees, and the one that I am with all the time? Is this why some people act differently around me then when Im in person with them? I know I wear several masks to hide who I am and what pain is just a needles prick away from being exposed. But which of these masks are actually me?

I fill my days with attempts to find happiness, and be friendly, and try to take up hobbies to pass the time. But mostly I sit in quite solitude and listen to the passing traffic. The constant reminder that there is a life outside of my pressed wood door. A life filled with people who don’t know or could care less that I dwell inside. Each consumed with their own day to day, with places to go and people to see. And I know that the people who tell me that they are my friends travel that road more than I could count, yet no one ever stops, no one ever calls. I am a friend to many, yet a shadow to all, typically only remembered when something is needed or wanted.

I have actually turned away from some people who I used to consider my friends/family because of their constant user ways, and always lying to me, or using me. I don’t mind helping people, I really don’t. But when you become a chain that holds me down in my already long life, I have to let you go. Its one thing to be asked to do something for someone, its another to constantly be expected to, or to be lied to when you ask for help in return.

Constantly it seems like my life is full of ultimatums and a razor thin balancing act of trying not to hurt peoples feelings and a do as I say not as I do situations. Many times I find that what is good for the goose is not for the gander. The people in my life wield guilt like a weapon. Using their martyred feelings to strike to your core, hoping that they will persuade you to their way of thinking or manipulating you into doing what they want you to do. When you stand up for yourself and say “NO this isnt what I want” then their delicate porcelain natures fracture and break, and somehow you are not the villainous asshole that is unkind, uncaring, and then the drudge of the past is stirred up when they recite in practiced breath everything that they have ever done for you, as if these accounts are quiz able and they have to pass with an A+.
Yet when the same is done to them, and your recount all that has been done for them, again you are the villain and the jerk, because you are suppose to do things for others as it is a social qualm.

So you sit and stew in your thoughts, and depression and sadness tighten its grip on you a little more. You dare not let tears slip down your face because they look at you like “what do you have to be sad about” not knowing that many times they are the cause for such sadness and deepening depression.
Many who read this will think it is about them, because their pride and vanity will make it so. Others will simply dismiss it and think that it is a ploy for attention, both are right and both are wrong. Chances are YOU are the one who has caused these feelings I have. But my stitched and blistered tongue keeps me from identifying you as a culprit. If you feel that you may be one of the people that I am talking about, all that I ask is that you consider what you do, when you do it, and how you do it.

So it is with unresolve that I hereby post this. It was a bit of poison that was festering and needed to be expunged.

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Get the all new Hello Cupcake It's Me Android App FREE

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What is yours?

What is your favorite Sinful indulgent...? Mine has got to be ice cream or doughnuts *drools* like if I knew that my blood sugar wasn’t going to be 9,012 after eating them I would go freakin crazy on a box of raspberry or lemon jelly filled doughnuts, or a several whole cartons of ‘Death by Chocolatete” ice cream.

So what is yours? Everyone has at least one or two, and you don’t have to be diabetic to answer. My fav food has got to be pizza, my fav fast food has got to be McDonalds and Jack in the Box…

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