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Been doing some thinking over the last week or so. It feels like 2013 is going by so quickly, or at the very least that parts of it has. I look back over the last year and think of the great times that I had, and the horrible tragedies that have happened.
I lost my aunt, my dad, and my grandfather, but rekindled my relationship with my estranged brother.
I have been out of state twice, once for fun and once for a funeral. I have met some new people, and even had the possibility of having a relationship. I feel as if I have grown, yet staid the same. I feel so very old, but knowing that I am so very young. I find myself constantly looking to the past for comfort and to see where it is that I have been. Because of my constant depression and bipolarism I can not gage where I am going. But I have placed some hopeful goals in the foreseeable future. I am hoping that 2014 is much much better. There are a few things that I want to get out of 2014 that I know I wont accomplish in 2013 with they days ticking away.
I’m going to make a vow and try to uphold it for myself. I am going to make a series of jars, filled with wishes and undertakings that I want to do in 3, 6, and 12 week times. Im going to make a depression jar and feel it with what has bothered me for the year, and im going to make a jar for what has made me happy for the year. It is my hope and intent that at the end of the year the 3, 6, 12 jar is empty, that my depression jar is only a quart full, and that my happy jar is over flowing.
I have been looking at the positives of my life lately and trying to see the good, but it seems like all I want to do is withdraw from the world with those few select people and call it good. But I cant. I know I can not just shut the door and keep the whole lf the world away from me. I must resolve to make change as I can, and not get my hopes up to high, but high enough to possibly see the horizon. So this Thanksgiving, as you sit with your loved ones, really take stock of your life, your friends, and your dreams, accomplishments, and pitfalls. See where you can change and correct, and where you can grow and enjoy more.
