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Today could be the last time we talked.
Today could be my last time seeing the sun.
Today could be the day that I stopped.
Today could be the day that I unleashed.
Today could be the day that your words broke the last brick in my crumbling wall.
Today could be the day that my depression gets the best of me.
Today could be the day that I see how good it feels to drag cold steel across my wrists.
Today could be the day that I let the darkness out to play tag, and forget how to run.
Today could be the day that you get the final call.
Today could be the day that you ask what you could have done.
Today could be the day that you finally saw the millions of things that was done to me prior.
Today could be the day that I failed the test.
Today could be the day that I was laid to rest.
Today was the day that I did something I thought I couldn't do.
Today was the day that I looked in the mirror, and said I love you.
Today was the day that I took back the narrative.
Today was the day that I put a semicolon instead of a period.
Today was the day that I continued my story.
Today was the day that forgave my personal transgressions.
Today was the day that I cried in happiness and not from pain.
Today was the day that I decided to move forward, even if it was alone.
Today was the day that I found my strength. Albeit temporarily. But I found where it was hiding.
Today was the day that I ripped the pages from my book of goodbyes.
Today was the day that I burned the pages that were written as notes to the people in my life.
Today was the day that I.....
Today was a good day!
Suicide happens when we least expect it. But for those caught up in the moment, it wasn't soon enough. It is the ending of pain, and the beginning of it too. Suffering is silenced, but the pain. The pain continues. The pain of guilt, of anger, of wanting to do more. Of wanting just a few more minutes, when you had all the time prior. When you could have taken the call. When you could have made the time. When you could have....
Depression, and suicide are symptoms of circumstance. Depression comes from being strong to long, from being lonely, from being heard, from being made to feel less than, from being unnecessary, for being the second, third, or even fifth choice.
We get caught up in our own lives that we seldom take time to genuinely ask "how are you" and truly mean it. It isn't until day or weeks go by that a voice or a presence is missed. Then they stand around and murmur to themselves "if I could have been there. if they would have only reached out..." But how many times before was a cry for help silenced by sending to voicemail? How many times was it that someone reaching out was met with "you have no reason to be sad, get over yourself, others have he worse off than you. Stop being a drama queen."
Many who suffer from mental health have very small circles. Many who suffer with depression feel they have no one else, because time and time again, they were made to feel that way. Many who attempt suicide, succeed. Not because the means were 100% lethal, but because no one took time to check on them.
If you know someone who is going through a rough patch, check on them. Dont wait until they are no longer here to say nice things about them. Say nice things to them. Make them feel wanted, needed, loved. Reassure them that they are not a bother to you. When you see their name on the caller id, dont swipe to voice mail. Take a moment, check in, and then call back if you have to. But follow through. Not calling back is worse. Your voice, you answering, you being there, you calling back, that can save a life.
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