Navigating Daily Life: Health, Personal Growth, and Pride Month Reflections

 Navigating Daily Life: Health, Personal Growth, and Pride Month Reflections

Ever have one of those days where you feel like you're fighting the world just to get the basics done? Some days are a total grind, but others are a win because you finally got some sleep and found your groove. It's all about those small victories, like checking off a long to-do list even when things go sideways.

I'm Michael from "Hello Cupcake, It's Me." If you're new here, I do Wednesday check-ins to keep things real. You can find my podcast at podcast.hellupcakeitsme.com, catch me on TikTok Tuesdays, or read more at hellocupcakeme.com. I also wrote a book called Carpdscrotto 365 Daily Affirmations if you need some positivity in your life.

Today we're talking about the real stuff. I'm sharing my recent battles with doctors, the joy of making art, and some strong thoughts on Pride Month. Life is messy, and it's better when we talk about it openly.

A Busy Day of Healthcare Navigation

Healthcare can be a nightmare. I spent my morning on a rampage of appointments and errands. I saw a new psychiatrist and spent nearly two hours getting things sorted. Finding a mental health pro who actually clicks with you is a huge win. I'd give this new doctor a 98 out of 100. She's an intern, which means she helps with meds before sending you back to a primary doctor.

Then things got weird at the pharmacy. I went to pick up my insulin, but the doctor had cancelled the script. My pharmacy called me yesterday to ask if my dose was correct. I've been taking the same amount for almost a decade. I had to explain that I'm insulin resistant. I use a pump, but I need manual injections for severe corrections when my blood sugar hits 300.

The pharmacy finally understood, but the mistake meant another trip to the store tomorrow. With gas prices being so high, the last thing I want is more unnecessary driving. It's frustrating when you have to be your own advocate just to get life-saving medicine.

I'm also in a tough spot with my primary care physician. The doctor I've seen for ten years just retired. Now I'm a boy without a doctor. I have a couple of leads, but my first impressions weren't great. I was sick during those visits, so I'm giving them a second chance. I might even tell them straight up that my first impression was terrible, but I'm willing to try again.

I also reached out to a friend in Minnesota who is a doctor. We've been friends for over 20 years. We grew up together, from party college kids to professionals. I asked her about becoming a patient via telehealth. I trust her with my life, so that would be the dream scenario.

Finding Momentum Amidst the Chaos

Despite the medical drama, I feel like I crushed the day. I got my rent money order done, did some shopping, and handled my therapy session. There's a certain high that comes from being productive when you've been stuck in a rut.

At the time of this recording, it was 2:30 PM and I was still in my "Zoom attire." You know the drill: a professional shirt on top and boxers on the bottom. It's the official uniform of the home-office era. It keeps the professional image intact while staying comfortable.

I also wore a chunky necklace I made myself. I used some turquoise that a friend gave me. Some of it is real, some isn't, but it looks great against a black shirt. People have been giving me compliments on my style lately, and it honestly makes me feel good. The stone is a focal point and looks heavy, but it's actually pretty light.

The biggest win today was my mental bandwidth. For the last few days, I had zero energy to do anything. It felt like my brain was offline. Regaining that capacity to function is the best feeling. When you have the bandwidth, the chores and bills don't feel like such a mountain.

Celebrating Pride and Confronting Bigotry

It's June, which means it's Pride Month. I love seeing the flags and the stories of love in the LGBTQIA+ community. Reading about how couples meet and seeing allies show up is empowering. It's a beautiful time to celebrate authenticity.

But the hate is already showing up. It's only the third day of June and the anti-Pride posts are everywhere. I don't get why people care so much about who other people love. If you don't like gay or trans people, just stay over there in your own club. Let people live their lives.

What really makes me angry is the violence toward transgender people. I've read about at least three cases of people being murdered or publicly shamed. Seeing people post laughing emojis under news of these attacks is vile. They use dead names and try to argue about pronouns while someone is suffering. It's disgusting.

Some people try to claim that gay culture is "new," but that's a lie. History shows us it's always been here. In ancient Mesopotamia, Greece, and Rome, sexuality was fluid. In Egypt, it was as natural as breathing. These cultures understood and accepted it long before modern laws existed.

There's also a nasty trend of calling homosexuality "pedophilia." Those are two completely different things. In the past, "adults" were often just people who had hit puberty or could fight in a war. Pedophilia is a horrible crime involving children. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with it. Mixing the two is just a way to smear a community.

To anyone leaving hateful comments: do better. That person you're attacking is somebody's child. They are a human being deserving of respect. You have no say in how they live their best life. If you would treat your own child that way, you shouldn't be a parent.

Embracing Support and Inner Resilience

Even with the hate, the support is stronger. Seeing the community come together is a reminder that we aren't alone. The outpouring of love from allies is what keeps the momentum going.

If you're underage and still at home, and you're afraid to come out, please keep pushing. If you don't feel safe, know that it does get better. One day you will look back and be proud that you survived. The world needs your light and your strength. In a world full of "Karens," be the person who actually cares.

Remember that you're doing the best you can with what you have. Be proud of who you are and the life you've built. Whether you're coming out or just trying to survive a bad week, your existence is valid.

Final Thoughts

Life is a mix of medical headaches and creative wins. Managing your health takes a lot of work, and sometimes you have to fight for the care you deserve. Don't be afraid to speak up when a pharmacy or a doctor drops the ball.

Taking care of your mind is just as important as your body. Pay attention to your mental bandwidth. When you're burnt out, give yourself grace. When you find your spark again, use it to get things done.

Most importantly, choose kindness. Pride Month is a reminder to be authentic and to protect those who are targeted by hate. Respect is a basic human right, not a privilege.

Stay proud, keep fighting, and remember that you are enough. I'll talk to you all later. Bye everyone!

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Navigating Life's Chaos

 

Navigating Life's Chaos: Understanding Traumatic Intelligence and Microaggressions

Ever had a week where everything that could go wrong actually did? Between a messed-up sleep schedule and a bank account glitch, some weeks feel like a test of your patience. But these chaotic moments often bring a chance to learn something new about how our brains work and how we treat other people.

The Week's Unforeseen Twists and Turns

My week started with a total blur. I stayed up until almost 3:00 AM binge-watching a show, totally losing track of the days. I thought it was Saturday night heading into Sunday, so I set my alarm for 9:15 AM. When I woke up at 10:30 and realized it was actually Saturday, I just gave up and went back to sleep for another hour and a half.

While I was awake, I spent a lot of time watching "Half Bad" on HBO. It is a slow UK show about two guys, Neil and Reuben, who are like brothers because their moms are dating. Reuben has a lot of anger and toxins in his life. It wasn't what I expected, and the episodes are long. It takes some real dedication to get through them.

Then came the financial mess. I was in the middle of a group therapy session when my phone started blowing up. Walmart Plus began trying to charge my account everywhere. It hit my bank, PayPal, and Capital One all at once. It even wiped out my PayPal balance.

The root cause was a mess. My mom's bank account had been hacked, and her card was shut down. Since she handles the membership, the system just started grabbing money from every linked source it could find. It was frustrating because that PayPal money was for something specific. Even worse, the stress happened right when therapy was getting good. By the time I fixed the glitch, I only had five minutes left in the session.

Quick Tip: Set up instant alerts on your banking apps. You should know the second a charge hits so you can stop a chain reaction before it drains your balance.

Understanding Traumatic Intelligence

During my writing this week, I found a concept called traumatic intelligence. This happens when someone lives in "fight, flight, or fawn" mode for a long time. It often comes from abuse or a major traumatic event in their past.

People with this kind of intelligence have a sharp eye for details. They can:

• Spot tiny micro-expressions on a person's face.
• Feel the energy of a room as soon as they walk in.
• Tell if someone is lying or hiding a bad mood.

Some people say this is just a survival instinct and not a "superpower." I disagree. Even if it comes from a bad place, being able to read people that well is still a powerful tool. Using these skills can help you understand the people around you on a deeper level.

Self-Reflection: Think about times you knew someone was upset before they said a word. This heightened sensitivity might be a survival skill you built years ago.

The Subtle Art of Microaggressions

I love people-watching at bars or restaurants. I use my knowledge of mental health to see how people interact. This is where I notice microaggressions. These are small, often unintentional actions that send a mean or biased message to someone else.

I remember a story from a year ago. A guy at a bar was complaining that some women "bitched him out" in the hallway. He said he was just adjusting himself and said "hello" to them as he looked up. To him, it was nothing. To the women, he was essentially grabbing his crotch and shaking it at them.

He didn't mean to be creepy, but that doesn't matter. The impact is what counts. You can't tell another person how they should feel about something you did. I tried to explain this to a group of men, but many of them didn't get it. They focused on their intent. I told them they needed to focus on the perception instead.

To avoid this, keep these points in mind:

1. Be aware of your body language in shared spaces.
2. Remember that your intent does not erase the impact.
3. Listen when someone tells you that your action felt wrong.

Navigating Personal Challenges and Growth

Life isn't always a peak or a valley. Sometimes it is just a flat line of day-to-day depression. I'm not in a deep hole right now, but I still feel that heavy pull. It is that feeling where you know it is a beautiful day outside, but you just can't bring yourself to leave the house.

I also have to deal with physical pain. My back is a mess, and my legs feel out of alignment. It is hard to focus on mental health when your body is screaming. My goal for next week is to finally get to the chiropractor. Getting the body in alignment often helps the mind feel more stable.

Actionable Tip: Don't ignore physical pain. Chronic pain can make depression feel worse. Schedule that appointment now so you don't push it off again.

Holding Space for Difficult Interactions

Recently, I had to "hold space" for someone I really don't like. We have a very rocky history. Holding space means listening to someone without judging them or trying to fix them. It means letting them feel their feelings, even if you disagree with them.

I told this person that everyone in the room has a different version of them in their head. You might think you are a great person, but to someone else, you might be the villain. Part of healing is accepting that you are a different person to different people.

We talked for about 45 minutes. It wasn't a "good" talk, but it was a necessary one. They asked how I knew all this. I told them it came from my own healing and studying mental health. After they left, I felt sick and cold inside. It took a lot of energy to stay neutral and kind.

However, I feel like I passed a test. I proved to myself that I can be supportive and understanding toward someone who has hurt me. That is a huge step in my own growth.

This week was a wild ride. It started with sleep issues and ended with a hard emotional test. But looking back, the chaos taught me a lot. I learned that my body needs care, my finances need a tighter leash, and my mind is getting stronger.

Understanding things like traumatic intelligence and microaggressions helps us move through the world with more empathy. It teaches us to be mindful of how we touch the lives of others. Whether it is holding space for an enemy or recognizing our own survival skills, every interaction is a chance to grow.

Since it is June and Pride Month, remember to just be yourself. People will adjust. In a world full of "Karens," be the person who actually cares about others.

If you have questions about mental health or want to share your own experience with these topics, leave a comment below. I would love to hear your thoughts. Keep doing the best you can with what you have.

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Navigating Mental Health Challenges and Personal Growth

Navigating Mental Health Challenges and Personal Growth: A Journey of Resilience

Have you ever woken up feeling like a zombie even after a full night of sleep? That is exactly how my morning started. I felt exhausted, spaced out, and completely drained. It is a strange feeling when your brain wants to do everything, but your body refuses to move.

Dealing with mental health challenges and personal growth is not a straight line. It is more like a messy scribble. Some days you feel like you are winning, and other days walking to a mailbox 500 yards away feels like climbing Mount Everest. This is the raw reality of living with depression and trying to find a way forward.

Understanding and Addressing Mental Health Fluctuations

The Nuances of Depression: Beyond Sadness

Most people think depression is just being sad or gloomy. For me, it is different. It is a weird paradox where I have zero ambition, yet I still want to achieve a million things. I want to be productive, but I cannot find the spark to start.

This version of depression makes you feel stuck. You might not want to be at home, but you also do not want to go anywhere. It is a heavy, numb feeling. It is not always about tears; sometimes it is just a total lack of energy.

The Impact of External Factors on Mental State

Small changes in a weekly routine can trigger big emotional shifts. For example, my therapist had childcare issues, so we moved our Wednesday meeting to Monday. That break in my normal flow seemed to throw me off.

The next day, I was an emotional wreck. Things that usually do not bother me made me cry. Other things that should have made me angry did not even register. It shows how fragile a mental balance can be when routines shift.

The Role of Self-Care and Routine

The Benefits of Physical Activity for Mental Well-being

Physical movement is one of the few things that helps clear the fog. I recently went swimming and covered 1,615 meters. That is just over a mile. I felt sore and tired afterward, but it was a good kind of tired.

Exercise acts as a reset button for the brain. Even when I feel mentally exhausted, pushing my body helps me feel more present. It is a way to fight the "zombie" feeling that comes from sleep medications and mental strain.

Establishing and Maintaining Daily Habits

Getting through the day requires a lot of effort when you are depressed. My morning involves a slow crawl. I go from the bed to the bathroom, put my bag together, and eventually make it to the living room.

I focus on small wins to keep moving. These might include:

• Resetting the internet modem.
• Brushing my hair.
• Doing a bit of work on the computer.
• Checking the mail, even when it feels impossible.

Pursuing Personal Growth and Skill Development

Exploring New Interests and Hobbies

I have wanted to try Tai Chi for a long time. I love the idea of it, but I want to do it with a group. I found a class that meets several times a week. It is a mix of Tai Chi and other styles, which is a bit annoying because I just want the real deal.

I decided to try the Saturday class from 9:30 to 11:00. I know I am being ambitious. Future Michael might not be up for it, but since it is not set in stone, I am giving it a shot. Tai Chi looks gentle, but it actually kicks your ass. Holding those poses for minutes is a real workout.

Committing to Educational and Professional Development

When I cannot leave the house or socialize, I need something to do besides sleep. I am starting my gap training for a certified peer counseling certificate. This is a way to turn my own struggles into a tool to help others.

The goal is to become a Certified Peer Specialist (CPSS). There are about four to six modules to get through. I plan to burn through them quickly. Completing this training will give me a sense of purpose and hopefully lift me out of this funky depression.

Navigating Life's Uncertainties and Future Planning

Reflecting on Past Decisions and Future Aspirations

I spend a lot of time thinking about "what if." I look back at old choices and wonder how things would be different. Now, I am trying to look forward. I will be 50 in five years, and I want to have a plan for that.

Planning for the long term is hard right now. Between the current political climate and my own mental health spells, five years feels like a lifetime. It is difficult to pinpoint exactly what I want for each year, but I am staying optimistic.

The Impact of Financial and Environmental Constraints

Money and gear often get in the way of mental health. I cannot drive my car too much because I do not want to put too much strain on it. Financial issues also make it hard to go out with friends.

These barriers make the isolation worse. When you are already exhausted, these hurdles feel huge. It creates a loop where you want to get out, but the cost and the effort feel too high to manage.

Finding Support and Creative Outlets

The Importance of Therapy and Emotional Processing

Therapy is a key part of my life. Even when the schedule changes, having that space to talk is vital. It helps me figure out why I am feeling volatile or why my mood has crashed.

Writing is another outlet I use. I am currently working on a new manuscript. Trying to make my thoughts coherent and cohesive on paper helps me organize the chaos in my head. It is a way to process things that I cannot say out loud.

Overcoming Setbacks and Seeking Continued Education

Learning can be frustrating. I tried to take an online class about grief and burnout recently. I was only in for 15 minutes before the teacher had technical issues and my internet cut out. I missed the whole thing.

Despite the glitch, I am still pushing for the certificates. I have a habit of getting into "phases." If I start studying mental health on a Monday, I feel the need to keep doing it every Monday. I want to take advantage of these bursts of motivation while they last.

Living with mental health challenges is a daily battle. There are days when you delete your important podcast files by mistake and feel dumb. There are days when you cannot even face your mailbox. But there are also days when you swim a mile and plan for a better future.

The most important thing is to be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can with the tools you have. Whether it is through Tai Chi, a new certification, or just getting out of bed, every small step counts.

If you are struggling, remember that it is okay to be a work in progress. Keep seeking support, keep learning, and keep moving. In a world full of people who only complain, try to be someone who actually cares about others and yourself.

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It sucks

 It really sucks when you are depressed and already feeling crappy, only to have someone that you love who is hurting and you cannot do anything about it. I have been hyper emotional and just overall blah and dealing with my own shit and recently learned that someone I love is going through a ton of potentially life changing issues, that you are powerless to stop, let alone fix.

I know that this is part of life and there's that whole serenity prayer "....grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." and I am having to find comfort in that knowing that things will work themselves out, but at the same time, wanting to force the universe to yield to the needs of my loved ones.

I dont understand why things happen the way they do. How someone can put forth all of this effort to make a good life for themselves and without much though or consideration for the impact of the other. I understand psychopathic and sociopathic people do this all of the time, but it really angers me that I can not fix this situation, as that is my love language. 

 

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Pride Month

 Every June is Pride Month for millions of Queer people around the world. Pride is a celebration of all of the accomplishments, trials, tribulations, and heartache that the community has faced and made it through. In recent years it has become more and more of a political crosshair, hot topic, talking point for many conservative politicians and religious officials. However, the basic idea behind the whole point of Pride is one of freedom and liberty. Freedom to live, to have the very same basic rights as heterosexual couples. The ability to marry, have a family, and just exist.

Views have shifted over the decades, but we still find ourselves fighting over these very basic freedoms. We have people who have weaponized the bible, and other religious texts or ideologies to make their point. You have politicians who are making laws based on these ideals, which in the United States is illegal as Religion and Politics are never to crossover based on the Constitution and other rights that were established when the country was formed. No one has the right to tell another person how they can live their life, as long as it is not hurting others. And someone being a member of the LGBTQIA2S+ community hurts no one, yet violence is hurled upon the community time and time again. We have seen entire establishments bombed and people gunned down. We have found bodies of people who were unfortunately taken from us way to soon. Such persons as Brandon Tina, Matthew Sheapard, are just some of the more famous names that top that list. And for what reason? Because someone thinks that them living their life is wrong?

I have always defended the Gay Community. I have friends, and family who are part of that community. And I stand fast in my defense of them and their rights to live. Because their rights are my rights. What happens in one community eventually translates into another until all persons are finally affected by the laws, and constraints envelope everyone. 

Regardless of your own personal opinions of the LGBTQIA community, we must make steps toward a future where everyone is respected and protected. You may not agree with it, but that doesn't mean that you should want those within that community to suffer. That is someone's loved one, someone's child, and what if that person was your loved one, or your own child? Would you still want them hurt, killed, or restricted in their living?

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WHAT THE ACUTAL FUCK

Today has been a "What the Actual Fuck" type of day. I woke up and was looking forward to going to my group therapy and while we were in session, I get a notification that a subscription was being withdrawn from my account, and then it was blocked, then was pulled from another account, then got blocked and finally taken out of another account which was linked to my bank account which at the time didn't have the money to cover the charge.

In a panic, I left my therapy session to deal with all of this and in the meantime my bank shut off my debit card which has everything in my life attached to it. My credit card almost locked up. And trying to follow the digital breadcrumbs, while being in crisis mode, and trying to navigate through all of the stupid automated prompts, just to get to a live agent, only for them to not fully understand the importance of what's going on and offering absolutely NO help in the long run, it makes an already stressful situation one that is a thousand times worse. 

In an age where everything is digital, one would assume that it would be easy to just recorrect the chain of events that have transpired but no. "I'm sorry Mr. Peterson, I don't have that prompt on my screen, and I do not have an option to do anything but the options that I have given you...." HOW IN THE FUCK IS THAT HELPING ME WITH CUSTOMER SERVICE? Like get your boss or your boss's boss or the president of the company, or the head of the shareholders, or Bob in Accounting, whoever it is call them and get them on this problem and fix shit. I swear the more advance we become, the more stupid people become. Because if it's not written out on their scripts then they can deviate from that. 

So now here I sit. Emotionally exhausted and physically tired, and hungry and still have an entire day to finish, and ZERO desire to do any of it.

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Cautiously Optimistic and pushing through

 It seems as if life has been going two separate directions and i am caught in the undertow of it. Were the rest of the world is speeding by, and we already find ourselves knocking on June's door, I still feel as if it were December. So, my internal clock is off, and I think it's partly due to the Disassociate Identity Disorder and just being in a mental pause right now. 

There is a ton that some part of me wants and needs to complete but then there are the other sides of me that are warming their hands by the dumpster fire that I symbolically find myself in right now. I am trying to make some big changes in my life and at the same time it feels like I am dragging these weights around that are keeping me from moving forward and that by doing so I'm falling into this complacent pseudo hibernation mode.

Dusting off the "professional" side of me and trying to connect the dots to make lateral moves is nice and refreshing as it is a side of me that I tend to really love. Spending hours in front of the computer doing research and networking, sending emails, and just being "office" productive. Meanwhile, my other personalities want nothing more than to be that teenager sitting in front of the tv playing video games and waiting for mom to come home and make dinner. While still the other parts of me want to retreat or fix up the living space and go full domestic mode. And then there is the "Main Me" that is feeling off of this internally and having racing thoughts while also having needs and wants that do not align with any other part of me.

My physical health is declining due to the lack of daily movement outside of swimming. I'm no longer walking or doing any physical activities like I was and lost all motivation for that AGAIN and I'm mad at myself for allowing that to be lost.

So, what is the solution? I do not currently know. All that I do know is that I am basically running on endorphins and spite.

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Whats been going on

 This week finally feels like it’s turning a corner. That cough I’ve been dragging around for weeks is finally easing up, and I can actually breathe without sounding like I’m auditioning for a tragic period drama. Even the inhaler isn’t knocking me sideways anymore, which feels like a small victory.

Saturday was one of those rare, really good days. I got to spend the whole day with my sister — something we don’t get nearly enough of. We ended up at the movies, which is basically my happy place. Dinner and a movie will forever be my idea of the perfect date. Simple, affordable, and it just works.

We saw Devil Wears Prada 2, and honestly, it surprised me in the best way. If you loved the first one, this sequel feels like a natural continuation. Somewhere in the middle of it, I had this moment where I realized how much Anne Hathaway’s role in The Intern mirrors what Andy could’ve become — the boss who once learned from a boss. This version of Andy is older, wiser, more grounded. A few familiar faces show up, and they definitely left the door cracked open for a part three. A couple filler moments, sure, but overall it flowed beautifully.

After the movie, we wandered around, grabbed lunch, and I picked up a Regal Cinemas Cup Funko Pop. I’d show it off, but I’m currently dressed for a Zoom call and not about to go digging through bags. It’ll get its moment.

Sunday rolled in with my usual routine — my weekly 9:30 a.m. call with Mom. We talk for at least an hour, sometimes more, and it’s become one of those grounding rituals I really look forward to. The weather was warm enough for shorts, so I headed to the farmers market for sourdough and honey. The honey was pricey but worth it, especially knowing it came from a local micro‑farm. SNAP EBT matched my $5, so I walked away with $10 in tokens. The bread, however, was long gone. That’s what I get for showing up late. Next time, Saturday morning it is.

Monday’s YMCA aerobics class absolutely wrecked me. And that was the light version. My thighs, knees, calves, shins, hips, and lower back all filed formal complaints. The soreness stuck around through Tuesday, but honestly, I needed that kind of push. Walking isn’t cutting it anymore, so I’m leaning into a mix of aerobics and swimming. Maybe aerobics on Mondays and Thursdays, swimming on Tuesdays and Fridays. Still figuring out the rhythm, but it feels good to be moving again.

Since the market betrayed me on the bread front, I’ve been daydreaming about baking my own sourdough — stuffed with whole garlic cloves and fresh rosemary. The kind where the garlic turns buttery and soft inside the loaf. Egg wash on top for shine. Slice it up next to a caprese salad with Trader Joe’s balsamic glaze (now $3.99 because inflation is rude). And yes, that glaze is incredible on vanilla ice cream. Don’t knock it till you try it.

Today I’ve got an in‑person therapy session, and I’ve been gathering old paperwork to bring with me. I found my Social Security hearing documents — evaluations, scores, notes, depositions. Reading through them was… a lot. Strange seeing yourself through the eyes of professionals who only knew fragments of your life. Still, I’m grateful for the chance to process it all face‑to‑face.

It’s also been a week full of unexpected community moments. A pharmacist asked if I ever finished my book (published November 2023 — wild). I told her I’d sign a copy if she picks one up. Same offer went out to a friend’s sister at the bar. At this point, half the town knows me, so getting a signed copy is basically a local scavenger hunt.

And then there was the parking lot conversation at the market. I ran into someone I’ve seen at her lowest. A helicopter flew overhead for a Flight for Life call — they stage at our tiny airport near the Canadian border — and she teared up. The kind of tears that reminded me of my biological mom’s struggles. She’s clean now but dealing with friends slipping into psychosis. My gut said, “Talk to her,” so I did. We stood there between parked cars having a real conversation — no office, no clipboard, just two humans trying to figure life out.

Before we parted, I shook her hand and said, “I’m Michael. I’m proud of you. You’ve seen rock bottom. Don’t let anyone drag you back there.” She asked if I was an angel. I laughed. “I’ve been called worse.” Sometimes the best counseling happens in the most ordinary places.

So that’s the week — healing lungs, movie epiphanies, sore muscles, bread cravings, therapy prep, and community connection. A reminder that progress isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s a conversation in a parking lot or a loaf of bread you haven’t baked yet.

You’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got. Don’t let anyone else define your worth. In a world full of Karens, choose to care.

Thanks for reading.

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Hurt, finding hope, and holding space

It's been awhile since I've posted, so where to begin? 

I've made it my mission to make 2026 the year of investing in myself. I've begun by renovating my wardrobe. Purchasing beautiful new clothing, and making more of a physical investment for myself. I love nice clothing, and having fabulous accessories.

2024 taught me who was in my corner and what happens when I start focusing on my life without those people in it. It also showed me that with hard work and devotion I was able to publish my book. 2025 taught me who I was, and my place in the world, and became the catalyst for mental health care. 2026 I vowed not to allow anyone access to my peace, and to invest in connections and self, not clutter.

This brand new holistic approach that I am taking for myself has also placed me in the midst of being counselor for others which is amazing unto itself. One such interaction happened the night of me writing this post. A new friend is going through a tremendous amount of changes and stress and their mental health is not where it needs to be and just listening to them talk about how dark things are getting for them and being able to see part of myself in their story I understand where they are at and how much work needs to be done and how that work feels so monumental at the same time. And so for several hours today we just spoke and allowed tears to flow and just allowed things to kind of take place where they wherever the conversation lettuce is where we went. And looking at the disassociative identity disorder I felt my therapist side come forward and was fronting and being comforting and being logistical and listening to what was being said not for the ability to react but for the ability to understand I did a lot of what my peer counseling education taught us to do that we listen more than we talk and when we talk we utilize our own personal stories that are relevant to the conversation at hand and to bring our pure closer to us so that it doesn't seem like they are wondering through this vast darkness by themselves and always promoting hope always promoting acceptance and always promoting self advocacy and speaking to their strengths. And where it has left me emotionally drained especially since I have been going through some rather difficult bipolar moments that until just recently I had no idea where this surge in emotional feelings actually connected at and I realized that on February 14th is when I had to place my cat at into the vet and euthanize her and just how absolutely horrible I felt and how quiet the house was and how just absolutely distraught I was and then needing to talk to my biological mom needing to talk to my dad needing to talk to my grandmother and realizing that none of them are here any longer has really stirred up of myriad of emotions. 

But through it all I must comes that I'm getting rather good about the things that have taken place and I look forward to the future.

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Same energy as 2025

 Well, we are halfway through the first month of 2026 and it so far has been the same if not worse than 2025. I know that I have very little to complain about in the grand scheme of things, but I still get overwhelmed with everything. I know that my "bad day" is someone's best day and I have to try to keep that in mind. But since the week before Thanksgiving to now it seems like it has been one uphill battle after another. Thankfully I have a good support system. But I feel like I am a burden to many, even though they are too polite to really say anything.

I have a lot of things that I want to get accomplished this year; however, I am also not going to "white knuckle" it and try to impose my will upon the universe. I am going to just take things one day at a time and hope for the best. They say that this year according to the Chinese New Year is the year of the Fire Horse. So, it is my hope that I am going to just hold onto the reigns of the horse and allow it to blaze a pathway for wherever that takes me. I do not want to try and lead the horse in any one direction. I feel that if I truly surrender my life over to whatever higher power there may be and allow myself to drift in the currents of life, that I will be where I need to be.

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