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Changes are inevitable and part of life. Good, bad, and in between. Without them, we would never really have anything to look forward to, or to hope for, or to dread. Yes, in a perfect world, we would never have dread, but even it can be a blessing in disguise.
Changes are happening right now in my life, some that I have control over, and some that I do not have any say, and can only hope and pray that will turn out to be ok. You are never fully ready for the day that a child leaves the familiar nesting grounds. You are never fully ready for the day the final goodbye is said when a loved one passes. You are never fully ready for change, even when you think that you are ready for it to take place. We always hope for change. We even strive for it. It's multifaceted abilities to enact good and cause absolute chaos is wonderous.
In my case, the changes that I am bring forth in my life come after years of mental health and depression. I am trying to uncover the person who I use to be far before the slippery slope of it took hold and festered and turned my life into a living nightmare. Each day I try to uncover another part of my life, and undo decades of decline. I have begun seeing my home and my life in a new light. This light has opened a wound that I thought was healed but was only scabbed over with a hidden infection just under the surface. Through years of therapy, self-reflection, and getting in touch with my inner Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID for short, and learning about who I a now and how to better work within my own limitations both imagined and real, I think that I am making some progress. Do I ever think I will be the person who I was before my house burned down in 2003? I do not know. I do know that there is part of that person still in there. But there was a naive aspect to that person that needs to stay buried in the past. But the happiness that that person knew is what I am trying to rediscover. Who I was and what I was before all of this. A more mature mind, and mature eyes, now think and see where younger persons no longer do. However, learning to respect and honor all sides of ones self is never an easy undertaking.
As for the changes that are taking place that I have no control over, well those are external, yet very close to the heart. Watching someone grow and unfurl their wings and take the fluttering first few wing strokes towards a new life, and a new adventure that will not directly include you any longer is scary and terrifying. Especially in today's day and age. As we hear more and more about the political unrest, and senseless murders, as well as just violence committed against one another, you fear for those that you have nourished and helped to grow. You want your loved ones to always be safe, but to also experience the world. Even though it is at times dark and scary and full of monsters, you look at your own upbringing and think "I made it through the world" yet you also take note that the world, although full of its own evils when you were growing up, are not the same. All one can do is hope and pray that the universe is merciful and will protect your loved ones as you have while in your care.
