A Positive Uptick

 

So over the last few days I took to cleaning my house. It has been a very meager endeavor however, a productive one none the less. Now many people would not think it is a "big deal" and isnt post worthy. But why it is a "big deal" in my universe is because I literally do not clean as it triggers my depression and unpacks a lot of repressed childhood trauma and negative emotions. 

Because of this my house looks much like an episode of hoarders or some other show you'd see on television about extremes. But what many don't realize is that when one suffers with depression or other mental health issues, "normal" things like self care go out the window.
So my cleaning is a good thing, as it shows that my mental health is in a fairly good place at the moment. "Well that is just an excuse for laziness" and where you may think that, it isn't the case. Studies show that the executive functions of the brain are basically shut down during times of prolonged stress, and mental duress. I am not an inherently messy person, I like the idea of organization and having things neat. But I lack the drive most times to execute the task. Also growing up, cleaning was used as a form of punishment, and there were a lot of negative connotations that went along with it. So whenever I do clean, like I said above, it triggers those memories and I feel like I am in trouble. 

So for the last 3 days I have been taking very small sections of my house and trying to clean and "improve" them. This last weekend, I swept the bathroom floor, beat the hall way runner, and vacuumed it. I cleaned around my desk, the floor of my desk, my coffee table, and a small section of my living room. I put all my insulin pump supplies into some plastic storage drawers that I bought about a year ago, and did my dishes. I ended up throwing away two 55gal contractor trash bags full of stuff. I still have a ton of things to do. But I am pretty proud of myself, at the moment.

Does this mean that my depression and mental health are cured....no! It just means that I am having a positive uptick right now and am feeling pretty good about myself and the humble accomplishments that I have made. 

Outside of this sudden cleaning spree. I have been working on my daily motivational book. I have so much that I need to do for that book, but I am almost at Beta Reader phase, which in itself is pretty exciting. I have an illustrator set up for doing the artwork. I have some helpful forms/inserts ready to be placed into it, and feeling good with the formatting that I've done. So all in all good things a brewing.