A cautious happiness

 So over the last few days, it has come to my attention that it has been almost 6 month since I started going to the YMCA. And its been almost as long since I've really experienced any depression too. Its been nice not having my brain yell at me every second of the day telling me that I would be better off dead, and that no one loves me, and that I am a burden, etc. 

It has given me a few moments of clarity and has given me leeway into having the energy to work on my mental health book. I really am placing a lot of energy and time into this thing and I hope that something comes of it. At the time of writing this I have 81 days worth of daily quotes and inspirations. I know that I still have a ton to do in order to get it to rough draft. But its been nice working on this. Daily when I wake up, I take out my phone and I write what I am inspired to do so that morning. 
I have sent a few pages of it to an AI Language Model to see what it thought of the transcript so far and it came back with some very positive feed back. Now if only human's will do the same that is something completely different. 
I recently asked my niece if she would consider doing some illustrations for the book, and she has agreed to do so. Right now my main driving factors in life are going to the YMCA, Tuesday Night Trivia, my YouTube channel, my Podcast, my feeble attempt at learning American Sign Language, and my book. Kind of a sad simplistic life I know. But considering what my life was like prior to 2012 I'll take it. About the only things that I miss from that time period is my friends, and going to college. Above that, there really isn't much else. 

I have thought about yesteryear and some of the other things that have led me to this point in my life. Most of it good, a little bad, but regardless its been an interesting road along the way. I often ask myself, what next? But it truly scares me to think to much into the future nowadays. Just trying to think about what im going to do on the coming weekend oftentimes is to much. I've also had this yearning for fellowship. Of surrounding myself with likeminded folks and being able to have a group. Dont get me wrong, I have plenty of friends, but no one that I can really vibe with outside of certain situations. I dont know how to go about filling that void. Maybe as the weather changes for the better and we transition into spring, I will get a clearer mindset.