Dreams, and day dreaming

I'm writing this after just waking up from an afternoon nap in which my grandmother appeared to me and said, "your uncle Wayne just passed away" and I responded with "does mom know" and my grandmother faded away. Now I know that the mysteries of dreams have eluded us since the dawn of time. But the visualization and the surroundings in the dream itself was like a place I have been to before.

So, once I woke up, I called my mom to tell her about the dream. I thought that it was someone completely different and turns out that she automatically thought of my dad's best friend Wayne who lives in the area where my dream took place. As I'm typing this, I'm beginning to unlock a few fragments of a memory from my childhood where my dad took me to his house for a BBQ and its starting to somewhat add up. However, I am not sure if this place in my fractured memory is actually his house or just a place where everyone met up. All that I do know is that I remember having gone there with my dad, and being kind of a loner as there were no other kids there that I can recall, or that they didn't want to play with me at the time. 

Very strange to say the least. My mom got a good chuckle from it, because when she answered the phone, I said "I premise this call understanding full well that I'm crazy...but" lol. The only reason that I would have even called her with something like this is because I am a bit superstitious, especially when it comes to certain signs and events. I saw an Owl the other night. And where many would be in awe and wonderment in seeing such a beautiful creature, for me it has come to represent death, and typically in threes. 
So, with this superstition it doesn't mean that it is someone directly in my life, but within my circle or will have an influence on my life in some way. Since seeing that Owl, there has been 2 deaths that have happened almost back-to-back. One being a random stranger, who died of a drug overdose, and was later found to be the father of a friend's friend. And the other has been the creator of wildly popular anime Dragon Ball, Akria Toriyama. Now where I have never met this man, his death has hit me and the rest of the Otaku community like a ton of bricks, especially given his young age.

So, with this dream forecasting the possibility of another death and with a name that is directly connected to my family, it caused me some concern. I don't claim myself to be a psychic (but I do read Tarot Cards) or some soothsayer or other type of diviner, just that its randomly not random in my opinion. I ended the call with my mom and started typing this. So hopefully nothing else will take place. But it is "expected".

The daydreaming aspect of this post, as the title suggests, comes from me sitting at my keyboard, thinking about my book, and talking with a web designer, who is working on a page for me, and wondering about my book, and how it is going to be received and if it is going to help or even make a difference once it is out in the world. I honestly do not ever expect to have Carpe Diem Scroto 365 Daily Affirmations on the Oprah's Book Club list or anything like that. But I am putting out the energy like it will be. And I know that my recent Hello Cupcake It's Me content has been about the book and not much else, but this is what is important to me right now, and well having a hopefully already established readership, I just want to put it out there what I am doing and how things are coming along.

But anyways, I just felt like I needed to get this typed and put out there for posterity.  

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Birthday month blues

Well, it's that wonderful time a year again where I 'celebrate' another trip around the sun. I don't know
what it is that causes depression to hit me every year around my birthday. I don't know if it's the fact that so many people that I loved were born in March and that they are no longer with me, or if it's just a subconscious tic on the calendar of my own mortality.

But the last few days, I have been really down, and midlevel depressed. I'm stressed out about my book, I'm stressed about my finances, I'm stressed about my car, my living situation, my health, just everything it seems like these days.

It really sucks because I go these long periods of not having any depression or feeling down and blue, to extreme cases. Though that is to be expected of being bipolar. All that I do know is that I hope this passes quickly and that the rest of the month will have fun, and great news instore. 

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book cover

 

So this is the mockup of the book cover. What do you think?

Check out more about the book by going to

www.cdsthebook.com and following the Instagram @cdsthebook

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The pitfalls of publishing a book

So, It's been almost a month since I finished my manuscript and now, I am just waiting for the editing to get done and then it's off to the illustrator and then finally once i get it back from the illustrator I'll do the finial edits and then time to get it published. I am pushing to have all of this done by October 15th so that I can have it printed by November 1st and then have the book launch party around the 5th or the 10th. 

I am so nervous about how the book will be received, and if people will even like it or if they will think that its hyped-up crap. But I also know that is just my decades of self-doubt in my head.

So besides working on my book, I have been working on the building up the website for it too. Each time I think "ok it's done" I have another idea that I want to incorporate into it. Like the other day I created an FAQ section, which I think will give people more understanding about who I am and what the book is about. I post a lot about the book already on my YouTube Channel Hello Cupcake It's Me, and on my #podcast Hello Cupcake It's Me a Podcast, and on my Personal , Hello Cupcake It's Me , and Carpe Diem Scroto #instagram account's 

This coming Tuesday 2-27-2024 I'm meeting with a PR company Live Free Productions to see what we can do to get the book more exposure and even get some crowdfunding going for it. It seems that every turn I have a hidden fee or something that is requiring money that I just don't have. So, to have some capital to work with to cover that would be amazing. 

So thats whats going on in life right now. How about you?

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I finished my manuscript!

 Well i finally finished my manuscript! I am so freaking happy. Today I have been setting up an online PDF with electronic signature so that I can get it signed off and start sending it and a review copy to reviewers. I now have to get it edited, and formatted.

I’m really going to push to have it published by October 2024 instead of March 2025.

If you would like to check out the website for the book its https://www.cdsthebook.com 

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Something to think about…

I woke up this morning and this flowed out of me, I feel that it is something that we all need to think about and apply to our lives.

If there was just one thing that you were able to find out about your future what would it be? And how would knowing that one thing change who you are today? And why would knowing it change you you are today?

Why are you not being the best 'YOU' you can be, and why would news from your future self change that? No ones future is set in stone. We use the past to determine the future, but what if you come from a broken and troubled past? Are those the building blocks you wish to use to shape your future? Or are we so flawed that we find peace in chaos and know not what we do and continue to repeat the actions of our past?

Through mediation and thought we can find those links to the past and the direction we sail now. YOU and only you can inspire the happiness you seek. By placing positive energies into the world, you will bring forth the happiness you seek. Step outside your box and learn to do without return.
When you help others you are opening positive flows of energy to take you down a new path. Whit so much evil and negative energy in the world why add to it by being evil and negative yourself? A flower doesn't because its full of evil intent, it blooms because it absorbs the light and love of the universe.
And because of it we become happy when we see its beauty and take time to smell its perfume, and take it as a symbol of love when given to someone else.

If you were to die today, what would your legacy be? What would you be remembered for by those you leave behind? You by no means need to be worshiped as an idol when you pass. But would you be missed because of your loving nature, or remembered for those times of your greatest evil?

Take a few moments today to reflect on your life and what you want it to be in 6 months from now and 1 year from that and 5 years from that and so on... What are your actions today doing to you and those around you? What webs are you spinning when you lie, and did you need to lie?

How do you want to live, how do you want to be remembered. What good is hard work without true payoff?

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My experience with The Freestyle Libre 3 CGM

So, after a recent visit with my Diabetic care doctor, I was prescribed the Abbott Freestyle Libre 3 Continuous glucose monitor. Now in the past I have tried the Dexcom, starting out with the G5 (which in my opinion was the best version and should have become their stopping point) and the G6 and then the G7, all of which I did not care for in the least!

So, when I was being talked to about the Libre 3, I was a bit apprehensive. I didn't want to have to lug around a special PDA type device and I didn't want something with a huge real estate or profile. I wanted something simple and small, and that I could use with my smartphone.

When I saw the nickel sized Libre, I was sold.

Being kind of techie, I was able to set it up with very little to no need for instructions, outside of turning on my phones NFC (Near Field Communications: a set of short-range wireless technologies, typically requiring a distance of 4cm or less to initiate a connection.) ability. Most newer cellphones have this ability tucked away somewhere in the settings. If your phone can do "Tap to pay" then you have access to this feature.

Anyways, the next step was getting the device inserted. If you have used an insulin pump or other type of "auto insert" device, then this is going to be easy for you to use. You just unscrew the bottom, select the location on which you wish to attach the device, and push down. It instantly and securely places it on your arm, stomach, or leg. 

The life span of one of the transmitters is 2 weeks. You may also want to look into getting a cover for the sensor as it can fall off before the 14 day expiration. 

Once you get everything set up it is pretty much a straight shot for all of your monitoring needs. I do suggest testing with your regular glucose monitor at least once or twice a day to make sure that everything is tracking properly. I did find that there was a discrepancy between the two devices, after I had to remove a new sensor and install another one after inserting it into a vein on accident and bleeding through.
But after about 3hrs everything was back to normal functionality. I am going on week 6 of wearing mine and I do have to say that I am rather impressed with it.

It has made managing my diabetes a bit easier, though at a slight few time's more difficult. You see, you can set alarms to let you know when you are going to high, to low, or critically low. And you can turn all of these alerts off, with the exception of the critical low. And it is a loud ear-piercing alarm that you cannot ignore. And this can be rather embarrassing if you are out and about, or in a movie theater, and trying to quickly silence the alarm. You also, can not change (at least that I have found) the sound of the alarm. 

I've also noticed that within the settings, there is no way to correct the devices glucose readings with those of an external glucose. So if my traditional finger prick style says im 320 but the cgm says im 205, you can not change it. You can make note of it within the app, but no way that I know of to change it.

You do get a wide range of reading graphs which allow you to see how your daily, weekly, and 90 day readings look. I like to see graphical information like this because it helps to see spike trends and gives me an idea about what time of the day things are likely to be out of whack. This data also helps your care team to make adjustments to your insulin regiment and just gives you a better more comprehensive look at your overall diabetic health.

The other thing that I like is that there is a screen that shows your Glucose Management Indicator. This is an estimated guess as to what your A1C can be like with your current trends. This however, is not meant to be a replacement for your 90 day check up with your care team. More an idea of how things could be looking.

All in all I do like this CGM vs some of the others that I've tried. And no device is ever going to be the end all be all. However, with its few personal draw backs, I am happy to announce that I will be keeping this for a while as part of my overall management toolbox. 

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Mental health classes and book writing

 Man, I have hit the ground running this year with completing 5 courses so far, and getting the certification to become a Digital Navigator, and now this latest class when finished will give me a diploma in mental health. 

As for the book, at the time of writing this, I only have about 47 more pages to write. I am trying to keep a good working balance between writing, schooling, and my day-to-day responsibilities. However, I do feel as if things are a bit unbalanced as it seems like I am placing more effort into the schooling aspect rather than the writing aspect. However, I did just put 4hrs work of work into my schooling and have yet to do any writing other than this post and in my notes for said class.

I have reached out to several of my friends who maintain professional titles and asked if they would be willing to provide reviews for my manuscript and so far, everyone has agreed. So, this should give some accreditation and validation outside of the personal title that I myself have.

I don't really know what is driving this focus I have right now. Be it ADHD Hyper fixation and chasing endorphins or some type of mania, all i do know is that I am happy that it is allowing me to be pseudo productive. Now if I could only apply this to other aspects of my life that would be amazing!

And when I am not writing, or studying, or watching television, I have been reading. I am currently rereading Anne Rice's Servant to the Bones. A book I've read before, and love. I am a huge Anne Rice fan. She is one of the only authors that I have ever read for fun, that was not assigned to me as schoolwork, or for some other educational reason. 

I have also been working on my various websites here and there, updating the information on them and adding and subtracting features. I still have a lot of work to do on the book website, but I like the direction it is taking and also the Instagram account for it is starting to come together nicely. And I really wanted to be able to do something bigger and better with my podcast, however, it seems to be a continuation of what I have been doing for the last year, and really need to figure out how to jazz it up some to get and retain new listeners. Maybe adding a video aspect to it, or recording a video as I create the podcast, as that seems to be the newest trend in podcasting is "videocasting" too.

I also need to dedicate more time to the blog. I am doing my best to remember that it even exists as horrible as it sounds. If for no other reason than to put down in words (digital as it may be) and get things off my chest in a more grammatical way, vs sitting in front of a microphone or a camera and talking about what's on my mind. Plus writing the blog helps me to keep up with my keyboarding skills and keeps my WPM up. I used to type much faster, but I think I am averaging about 40-55WPM so I guess that is satisfactory for my daily use.

Anyways I hope you my dear reader, take a chance to view the other content that I have put together and that you'll consider joining and subscribing to the variouse platforms.

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2024 🤔

Well 2023 was sure a shit show towards the end. July was probably one of the worst months I had in a while. 

Still trying to recover from some of the bs. The holidays came and went just as quickly. And New Years, well that was just another day. I didn't make any resolutions this year. I only set out to take a few more classes and to get things in order. My house, my car, and my health are all things I need to work on regardless. 

But outside of taking more classes, I need to finish the book im writing. I've given myself the deadline to have it published by March 2025. I'm almost done with the manuscript. But these last few pages are really hard to bang out. 

I also want to do more with my YouTube channels and my podcast. I have a lot of personal aspirations, and those are good goals to have I think. So far this year (even though we're only 13 days into it) I've taken 5 classes, watched 2 TED Talks, and applied for my Enhanced License (since I still can't find my damn passport) at least this way I can still travel by car or boat to Canada and Mexico, but will need to get my passport by May so I can fly. 

So I've accomplished some stuff. 

So if you would like to check out the Instagram and the website for the book

Instagram:  Carpe Diem Scroto by Michael Peterson

Website: Carpe Diem Scroto

Don't worry, I don't spam. So if you sign up for the mailing list I will not sell it spam your accounts. 

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Know Your Rights: Bipolar Syndrome Is Eligible For SSD

Bipolar syndrome is a serious disorder that can often occur with other mental disorders such as anxiety or schizophrenia.  It often requires medical treatment.  Bipolar syndrome can be so severe that a person cannot work.  In that instance, Social Security Disability (SSD) may be needed.

Receiving SSD is not a guarantee, but it is a possibility that can be considered.  Many attorneys are qualified to assist you with this process.  Most disability attorneys will not charge a fee unless you win benefits.  There are things that you should be prepared to do during the application process.

How Serious is Bipolar Disorder?

Mental disorders such as bipolar syndrome must be medically documented.  In other words, it must be diagnosed by a doctor or a mental health professional.  There must be records kept by the professional that indicates the diagnosis, treatment, and prognosis.  According to the standards set by the government, the condition must be expected to seriously limit your life experience for at least the next 12 months.  Social Security uses a book called the Blue Book to measure whether or not you will qualify for benefits.  

Getting a statement about your condition from your mental health provider or your doctor can be very helpful.  This statement could talk about how much work you missed during the last year because of your bipolar syndrome.  It could discuss the side effects you experience on a regular basis because of medication.  This letter will be beneficial to the application process.  

What Can I Do For Benefits?

Be prepared for your initial application for benefits to be denied.  Do not let this discourage you.  The majority of people that apply for SSD are denied the first time.  This is why it is important to work with an experienced disability attorney.  An experienced attorney can take care of a lot of the paperwork for you and deal directly with Social Security on your behalf.  Having an attorney working on your behalf will take stress off of you; you will be able to focus on your treatment.  

Waiting isn’t easy.  The initial process can take up to six months to receive a decision.  If you are denied, you can appeal.  The appeals process can be lengthy.  Be prepared to gather documentation, to see doctors, and to attend a hearing.  

During the application process (and of course after the decision), follow your doctor’s instructions.  Take your medication.  If you do not, Social Security can decide that you are non-compliant and deny your claim.  If you cannot afford your medication or therapy, please let someone know.  

Other Information On Bipolar Benefits 

There are other criteria that must be met.  Things that will be looked at include age and work credits.  If enough work credits aren’t available, you may be eligible to apply for SSI.  SSI is a needs based program with its own set of standards of eligibility.  Standards for SSI include the worth of personal assets and monthly income.  

Bipolar syndrome is a lifelong condition, but it is treatable.  If you are unable to work, consider applying for disability to help provide for yourself and your family.  Doing this one act could reduce feelings of worthlessness and anxiety while you are unable to financially contribute.

Robin is a blogger for The McMinn Law Firm, a business and personal injury law firm in Austin, Texas.  She has seen loved ones suffer severely from crippling mental disorders and knows how much help can mean. 

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