Up AnD dOwN

 

This week has been a serious burden on me. My emotions have run high, I have had panic attacks, I have cried, I have more questions than I have answers for, I have been made to feel bad, I have been faulted, I have been mocked and ridiculed, and have been depressed.

First I went and met someone I’ve been talking to for awhile. Had a really nice lunch, some nice quality time, and a nice dinner. We didn’t have any awkward silence, it was nice natural quite times. Dinner went nice. But something felt off, and I think it was me. It’s been so many years since I’ve been with someone, that I sadly lost my game I think. There was flirtation and what have you, but just my over all mojo was lacking to say the least. I do hope that we keep seeing each other and that things take off but well if it don’t then I guess that the universe still has something else in mind for me then.

I've also just been an emotional wreck. I've been stressed out, I've been weepy, angry, and just over all aggravated. I don’t know what is going on with me. I'm just all over the place with my emotions. I’ve been trying to implement some things that I learned or was told to do in counseling, which has been like pushing a boulder up a 90 degree hill with butter for shoes. My therapist has been wooting me on, and giving me great suggestions of what I should and shouldn’t do, which has really helped. I always have a pit of despair going into the session but coming out I feel empowered. And I mainly feel its because I have someone to actually talk to.

So all and all, its been extremes up’s and down’s. I so hope that this week ends on a positive note and that next week is so so SO much better!!!!