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So I realized this morning as I was waking up, that I haven't updated my blog in awhile. I make sure to update my YouTube channel and my Podcast but somehow overlooked my poor blog.
Well if you have been following along with me for any length of time then you know I can get kinda distracted and forgetful. But for those of you who are new and for those of you who dont follow my other social media, its been a really good few months. Feb 16th was Bella's one year passing, and the 23rd was Ba-Boy's one year adoption anniversary. So both of those days were very emotional for me. I still miss the hell out of Bella, and Facebook with its constant reminders and photo/video suggestions really keeps her memory alive.
I've not been as depressed as I normally am, which is something I am very thankful for. I am just experiencing sadness, which is nice. I know that you are probably scratching your head thinking to yourself "how is sadness a good thing?" But there is a difference between depression and sadness. Many think they are one in the same, but they are not. Sadness is happenstance. Typically brought on by an event that has just happened or finding that your pet has passed. Depression is more a whole body thing. Its chemical, and mental. Its your brain saying that "you are unloved", "you are a failure", "you are stupid for wanting better than what you have, because you dont deserve nice things", "you are ugly that is why no one wants you", "your friends are not really your friends they only entertain your presence...." The actor Jim Carrey said "Depression is you needing Deep Rest from the character that you have been playing, and trying to be strong for everyone but yourself.." I am paraphrasing it, but that is the jest of it. So being able to just experience sadness without it turning into me literally spending weeks in bed wanting to kill myself, and just being able to cry and move on has been wonderful and amazing.
My new cat Bernard aka Ba-Boy has been a true help with most of it. I honestly believe that I wouldn't have been able to go much longer after Bella's passing without having someone else in the house with me. That constant companionship and just knowing that he is here with me really puts me at ease. And as you can see from the picture above, I think he kinda likes me too.
Ive started doing things that use to bring me happiness and enjoyment, namely crafting. I found that a lot of my abilites have all but atrophied, but are starting to come back. I really want to try to get back into painting which is something I think im going to save for this summer when the weather is warmer and nicer and I can go out into the woods and just paint. I have started taking care of myself more too. Ive been going to the YMCA several times a week and swimming and doing water aerobics and meeting new people. And with that comes more self care, something that I was desprartly lacking there for the last few years. I've to date lost about 17lbs. Im feeling better about myself, and am even planning on getting back out and walking this April. I miss walking the trails, and seeing the hidden side of my surrounding town and countryside. The little hidden gems that you dont see everyday as you are wizzing by in a car at 50mph.
Of coming face to face with a large Buck who is grazing on the undergrowth of the forest. This is one of the deer that live in town, and I wasn't walking, I was in the passenger seat of my sisters car when I spotted him.
I love seeing nature, and to experience these forest puppies is damn near divine. So yeah I have some goals and asperations that I am going to attempt. I am being gentle with myself and not placing any major deadlines on things. Just do the best I can with what I have when I can. And so I have been doing just that. If you havent checked out my Podcast I would really encourage you to do so it can be found at Https://ancor.fm/hellocupcakeitsme or on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcast, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio, CastBox, Pocket Casts, RadioPublic, and Stitcher,
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