My Battle With Depression, Weight loss, and Diabetes

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Halloween Fun and Adventures

 Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. The thought of what kind of monster or ghoul I could do myself up as, and all the tons of candy that I would get. Growing up in the 80's and 90's places like KMart, GemCo, Target, and Walmart would be halloween central.

You could find everything that you needed to make the most amazing costumes ever. Now days you are hard pressed to find anything. It seems like since the late 90's mid 2000's everything kinda shifted from Scary to Cute or Slutty. Halloween isnt about cute and slutty, its about creepy, scary, bloody. So this year I put my costume together.

The only thing that was store bought was my top hat. I got it at Goodwill already decked out. My costume was built around it. I had never done a voodoo witch doctor, and thought that it would be fun, because you always see "skeletons" but never anything above and beyond that. So I began working almost around the clock to get my stuff together. I had this old black vest (which I honestly have no idea where it came from...i think it might have been my dads before he passed), some random animal print, clay, a walking stick, and a paper skull. I knew that I wanted to look as authentic as possible.

So I began dusting off my old fashion design skills and got really creative. I pieced together my vest by making the animal print panels for it. I hot glued them in place so I didnt ruin the vest by sewing them on. Then I turned my attentions to my staff.
I had seen a few YouTube videos months prior showing how to make Halloween props and so I took that knowledge and made this beauty. Its just melted plastic bags, tissue, and paint. The hair is from a kids dress up headband that I got from the DollarTree and the paint I had on hand. Melting and getting it to stay in place while not burning the shit out of my hands was the "fun" part. I was using a heat gun which the lowest setting is 500 degrees and the highest is 1500.

Then it was just a matter of making the painting of it all look like old, decaying skin. I used Brown, yellow, orange, grey, and an almost mustard color to achieve the effect. Using the heat gun to dry the paint, gave it a dried out, rotting flesh color.
All night long when I was out with my friends at a local bar for their Halloween Costume party, everyone kept remarking on my staff. One lady actually tried to take it from me. I honestly didnt think that it was that "amazing" but now looking at it, it totally is LOL. The whole night out with my friends was just good times. I ended up winning Most Creative (which I was surprised) and getting a copy of Poltergeist on Bluray as my prize.

 Growing up I never won any prizes or competitions like that, so it was kind of nice to have done so. A few weeks prior to this I was suffering from crippling depression. I didnt want to even be around myself, and seriously didnt know if I was going to be able to go on much longer. So going out, and having fun with my friends was MUCH NEEDED.

Now that Halloween is over with, we are moving into Thanksgiving and then Christmas. I still have no idea what i'm doing for Christmas this year. Every year I try to make one item, buy one item. So this years make I have yet to figure out. But im sure no matter what it is, my friends and family will love it.

Friday, October 27, 2017

Dexcom G4/G5 Patches

So I know its been forever since I posted anything related to my diabetes. Well after years of fighting to get a Continuous Glucose Monitor I was finally able to get one. I was placed on the Dexcom G5.
Its been nice not having to prick my finger every 2 hours or so. But it has also presented me with quite a few new challenges. Much like my pump, there are adhesives that hold the CGM in place. So for someone with super oily skin and sweat prone, that means they tend to fall off pretty frequently, especially in the summer months.

I have tried a lot of different items. I even tried super glue at one point (no im not joking.) I had one of my G5 sensors peel right off one day only minutes after applying it, no stick left on it. So I was at my wits end when I started looking for some solution to keep my G5 from coming out. Thats when I found these sensor adhesives. Yeah Im a guy, and yeah these are in pretty girly colors and flower shaped, but you know what I dont care. If it means that I dont lose my $1500 transponder then im happy. My friends kinda ribbed me about them at first, but after I explained what was going on they all agreed that it really didnt matter. Since having ordered these, I've found that they do have other shapes/designs, but at the time this is all I could find in my price range.
They work amazingly well. I first introduced my friends and family to them when we all went out to the lake and I had a pink and white camo one on.
I can typically shower 2 times before they wear off and begin to peel. So about the time 1 week has passed they are "wilted" and ready to be removed.
Ive heard that people can get almost 3 weeks out of them, but im lucky to get the full week.

I just wanted to share them with you, incase you were having similar problems with keeping your G5 or other CGM in place. They have them for pump sites too.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right A B Start

So as of late, since my break up really, things have been pretty good. I have had little bouts of depression here and there but for the most part have been pretty "good". I have made a few new friends. Been more social. Been invited to join in a spiritual outing with like minded folks, my general overall luck feels for the most part to have changed for the better. My humble collection of #FunkoPop has grown to more of an obsession at this point check out my website that I made for it My Funko Pop Life
But there are still some things that havent changed. I still try to help others only to get dumped on. I try to show others that I care about them, only to get dirt kicked in my face. I try to be a "good person" only to basically be made to feel like my efforts are for not. But hey it could be worse right? It seems like no matter what I do I cant ever seem to balance the scales. So at this point I think im going to quit trying. I mean really all it does is cause me to do this vicious dance. I feel like Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle
You know, especially if you follow me on YouTube (which you should click the link so you could) you know that I dont have much, nor do I pretend to, or really want to. So when I get something for someone, especially if it is really cool, or something that they need or want, the only thing I really "expect" is at the very least a "Hey thank you for that" or something small like that. I dont expect a ticker tape parade, or a monument erected to me, etc.
I dont do things for people for over the top praise, or for any recognition outside of a informal "thank you", and I sure as hell dont do it to loom it over their head, or in hopes of getting something in return. I do for others because I can. Because it makes me feel good to help them, or get them something special/nice, when and if I can. I am a giver by nature. I like to give gifts. I like to bring little blessings into peoples lives. It might be something stupid as a heart drawn on a rock, or something grand, but its genuinely done with love in my heart. So when I do something for someone and its basically slapped away, it kinda stings and makes me think "why should I continue to do for this person?" But then there is that BDSM side of me that will come crawling back a few days later like a hungry dog looking for its masters scraps.

So yeah I just needed to bitch and get some of this off my chest. Im not feeling 100% better but meh, it is what it is i guess. As for the title of this post...i couldnt think of anything so I put the Konami Code lol

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Feeling Thankful

You know its not to often that I post religious or spiritual things. But right now I am just feeling blessed. Even with the fact that Mecury is Retrograde right now, and things got a bit bumpy for about a week or two. Coming out of this last bout of depression has really made me thankful for the things that I have going on in my life right now. They are stellar but they are not the worse either.
I am finding peace in all things. Trying to be the good person I know I can be and have been in the past. Trying to be there for friends and family. Slowly trying to piece myself together. I am taking a really long time with this one. I need to make sure that all the broken pieces actually need to be reassembled or refabricate them. My PTSD kicked the shit out of me this last time. But I think i was my own fucked up mental health's way of helping me through some of the crap that Ive been dealing with. So right now I am writing this as I am about to go to bed. Before I say my nightly thank yous to the Gods. I just felt that I needed to put into writing that every thing is going to be ok. It might not be 100% but it will be better. And with each step, with each day, I will eventually find some semblance of happiness and content again...

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Just feeling strange

It seems like I just can not get the fuck out of bed lately. Like I slept for 2 days straight basically only getting up to eat and go to the bathroom.
Typically when im depressed I do this. But that is just it, I dont really "feel" depressed right now. There are a lot of things on my mind. Ive been thinking about things that I need to do and want to do, but I dont believe it is in a depressive manner, but could be?
Ive tried talking to a few people about it and have pretty much been met with a wall. Meaning they dont seem to care or want to talk about it. And to a point I get it. No one wants to really sit down and listen to someone bitch about their seemingly "good" life. Even though I know the people in my life, love me, it still feels like im alone.
I thought maybe when I got a car and was able to go places more often, and wasnt always so reliant on people having to come get me, that I would feel better. Well I dont. I love having a car and being able to come and go when I want to. But it seems like ive somehow isolated myself or have been isolated even more so now. Like I get this look of "why are you here" when people show up at a place and Im there. I know im probably just imagining it, but I hope that its not how they truly feel.
I find that im not doing some of the things that i normally would do to make me feel better either. Like painting. Havent done that in about 4 weeks. Vlogging for the YouTube channel, it took me 3 weeks to post a video I made 2 weeks prior to that 3 week period. I havent been keeping up with this blog. Been doing ok with my other blog that I do product reviews on. And even started up a new blog, but that has died out now too.
I feel like ive got the summer time blues right now. And maybe that is all it is. All that I do know is that I am more than ready for it to be over with. I think I just need to find some water to go float around in and try to connect with nature or something. All that I do know is that im tired of being tired. And of feeling like im a drag on everyone.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Seattle Pride 2017

HOLY HELL what a crowded get together that was. So Seattle was my first "Official Big Pride" that I have ever gone to. A few weeks ago I went to the Port Townsend Pride Parade which was the very first pride that I had ever gone to. Me and my friends are planning on going to yet another pride in a few weeks in Bremerton WA.

OMG it was so hot in Seattle that day. Everything was going great but some god damn protesters had to stop the parade and "be heard" and after all of that me and my friends decided to just say FUCK IT and we walked down to Pike Place.

We went and got some ice cream, walked around the market a bit and then walked back to the ferry where the cooler sea breeze was enough to cause an orgasim. We then made our way back to a mexican restaurant had some really good food, went to the Dollar Tree, and then home.

It was a super long day for me, as I had woke up at 2:30am that morning and didnt go to sleep until 10:30pm. Plus all of the walking, and climbing stairs, and walking down super steep streets. But in the end I had a total blast. I felt bad at times because I was starting to get heat stroke and had to stop and sit every so often, but I feel ok about the fact that i was for the most part able to keep up.

Now today, the day after, my legs hurt so freaking bad. I want to do nothing but sleep. And so im going to rest for the rest of the day (maybe the month)

Friday, June 23, 2017

Painting it away

As of late, I have gotten back into painting. I am trying to do a picture a day. I typically paint on and off through out the year.

I use my art as a way to escape and to refocus my energies. Especially if I feel a bout of depression or a bipolar episode creeping. I will turn on some music, and if I dont have canvas to paint on, I will go through my collection of paintings and find one that I am just not in love with and paint over it. So I have done 6 paintings in the last 3 weeks.

The one shown here on the right is one of my latest (I've done 2 since this one but wanted to share this one.) For those of you who dont recognize who or what this is from, do a Google search on Goku or Dragon Ball/Dragon Ball Z.
This portrait kickstarted my painting silhouette's. The last 3 or 4 paintings are all silhouette's too. I really like they way the turn out, mainly because I can not paint faces well, but you still get the idea of who or what it is supposed to be. And well because Im a fan of DBZ I wanted something to represent that.

I find that listening to music and doing something creative helps me from really slipping into a super bad funk. Sometimes though it doesnt help and that is when I just force myself to go to bed and if I wake up still feeling angry, or depressed then I try to call friends or family to help defuse. And then there are just those days in which nothing helps and I just have to be a raving asshole that day. Or be a depressed emotional lump.

But I just wanted to share some art, as I dont think I have done so for a bit.

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