My Battle With Depression, Weight loss, and Diabetes

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Friday, July 31, 2020

The Weightloss Journey so Far

Well I have been going at it for just over 3 months. And I am proud to say that I have stuck with it this whole time. Yeah I haven't wanted to do anything some days and havent. But I am happy to announce that as of today I am officially 37lbs lighter.

My last weigh in was 467.6, and today it was 460.6. Making it a grand total of 37lbs since I started the last week of March. When I started I was about 510lbs. I hate to even put that into writing, but well there it is. I had an emotional break down the other day when I weighed in at 467. That is the first time in YEARS that I have been that low. My typical weight was about 475-480, but I ballooned up to 510 and that is when I said enough is enough. So being down almost 40lbs is amazing. I've been killing myself trying to lose this weight, and for the longest time I saw nothing happening when I stepped on the scale. So now that im starting to see movement, its giving me hope and even more encouragement. 

I literally had a break down on the side of the road when I saw that I had lost weight and that I was at 467. Now at 460, it has only strengthened my resolve to want to do more and do better. I am still allowing myself a few cheats here and there. I have found that if I restrict my diet that I tend to fail at following through with it. So I am still eating carbs, and pasta, and dairy, chocolate, fast food and the like. But I am being smarter about the choices and amounts that im consuming.

But if you follow along with my Instagram account @michaelscottpeterson you get to see some of my daily posts about how much walking I've done, and see some of the things that I have been cooking. There is also a new Facebook Group that you can join to be more interactive. And of course you can always follow along on the YouTube channel Hello Cupcake It's Me where I post 2 - 3 times a week. 

But for now #imtrying my best to just do what I can to lose this weight. 

Saturday, July 4, 2020

Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th of July to all my American readers.
Today is one of those bitter sweet holidays for me. Growing up my father was the biggest kid of them all, with his love of BBQing and blowing stuff up.
Every year, no matter what, we would always go to the Fireworks stand and get a grandiose selection of combustibles and just wait with baited breath to light them all off. As I got older, we did less and less of them but still spent the day eating food, listening to music, and just hanging out. It was a tradition that I had hoped to pass on to my children, but I never had any. So now I just spend the holiday with friends who do have kids and watch their excitement and happiness when they get to do their fireworks. But I cant help to want a sparkler of my own every 4th.

So today, as it has become tradition for me, I am heading over to my close friends house and going to partake of mass quantities of food and merriment and celebrate what freedoms we still have.

I hope that you and yours have a blessed and safe holiday.

Thursday, June 18, 2020

This Journey

This weightloss journey is one of the hardest treks that I've been on. Why is it so hard to lose what you've gained. I think that weight is the only thing that you can not lose as fast as you've gained. Money, material possessions, etc, you can lose in an instant. Its not fair.
But I didnt become obese over night, so I cant expect to lose it over night. But its killing me to see that I am putting in so much work and not really losing any weight right now. I brought myself down from 500lbs to 476lbs. But it seems like nothing I am doing is breaking past that platu that I've hit. Maybe I need to buckle down and get really serious with myself and limit my eating even further. Instead of 2700 cals, maybe try to only do 1500 for a few weeks.
I need to also stop eating after 7pm.

I just need help.

Sunday, May 31, 2020

#sayhisname George Floyd - my thoughts

I never met the man. But his story is the same as many others. He was murdered. Plain and simple. Murdered by those who swore an oath to serve and protect. A man, died, crushed to death by another grown man. Applying lethal pressure in a submissive hold. A hold that these "peace officers" are taught from basic training not to hold a suspect in for more than a few moments. A hold that is known to kill people.

The aftermath that consumed most of the nation in violence and fiery retribution. George's death was the spark that ignited the riots and protests that happened. It started off as a protest against his killer(s). But there was so much more that was boiling under the surface. So much more that pushed the people to the breaking point.

For years the police have gone unchecked. A localized military group that operates under the guise of public servants. I am not saying that all officers are bad. I personally have family members in law enforcement that I know take their oath seriously. But there are those who should never wear the shield.

Playing Devils Advocate, I understand both sides of the preverbal coin. I understand the heartbreak of the African American Community. I understand the feeling of hopelessness and being voiceless. I understand the fear that many live in, not knowing how they are going to make things work, and constantly having authoritative figures being self serving and never turning their gaze upon the real issues that the people have, only those issues which will better serve those of means. Of living in a "class" system society even when we are not supposed to have equal rights.

I understand the justice department in needing and wanting to keep the peace. But when it is so blatantly obvious that they protect their own, and sweep the wrongs of their peers under the rug, it becomes hard to support a system that shows no support for those they are supposed to serve.
Breaking and entering, vandalizing, looting, rioting, and causing massive damage is against the law and hurts the community yes. But it is also the only language that the repress have many times. Look at all the riots of the last 40 years. Most if not all of them have been in response to Police Violence, or injustice. Sure there have been some that have been due to sporting events and other nonpolitical related events. 

I foresee a new civil war breaking out. With the current administration the tell tell signs are already there. It is quite literally history repeating itself. When the North and South fought, it divided the country in two. The Union and The Confederacy. Now its becoming apparent that it is happening again. Not for a very long time have we seen such a divide in our nation. Starting back in 2008 when the first black man was elected into the role of President. A ground breaking, historical event. We saw the sleeping dragon awaken.

For the Black Community that dragon has always been awake. But it was really the first time that caucasians saw it. People saying things like "if that n***er has a barbeque at the White House, we'll lench him". When the current administration began its run for presidency, the dragon fully awoke and spread its wings. Showing the entire populace that hate and bigotry was still running rampant in this country. Suddenly hate and intolerance had public support, and an "in your face" strength that hadn't been seen since before the Civil Rights movement. Social Media platforms became the new Speak Easy's and Soap Boxes for fanning the flames once more.

"peaceful protests are the only way..." I've heard this said several times over the course of the last week and a half at the time of writing this. But lets look at all the peaceful protesting that has happened in the past. Lets start with Dr. Martian Luther King. He and his band of followers and supporters, both white and black, joined together and marched peacefully. He tried to be peaceful. He tried to be diplomatic.

Floyd McKissick, director of the Congress of Racial Equality, tried to come to terms with King’s death and its meaning for the broader civil rights movement.
“Nonviolence is a dead philosophy and it was not the black people that killed it,” he told a reporter from the New York Times the night of the assassination. “It was the white people that killed nonviolence and white racists at that.” - https://www.history.com/news/mlk-assassination-riots-occupation 

Those riots and protests lasted almost a full year in the very same cities that we are finding civil unrest now. The American People can not live with the "one rule for me and tree rules for thee"  governance that has steadily become the norm. Its not until the people band together under a common banner that they are heard. There are many right this very moment that are not seeing the bigger picture and only seeing the violence and destruction that is happening as mindless chaos, and not the underlying meaning of what is taking root and trying desperately to grow. But it is those in power who think they are above the laws that they swore to uphold and protect. Blind faith in those of a position of power and not in the right or wrong aspects of things. We all make a choice as what to do and when to do it.

Malcolm X, same situation, same result. Yes he was more "militant" but the message was the same. Rodney King, beaten, battered and assaulted. Trayvon Martin, killed for walking down the street and refusing to talk to George Zimmerman. Colin Kaepernick took a knee during the National Anthem in a silent protest, resulting in him losing his position and many corporate sponsorships.

I am neutral in all of this. I understand both sides of the coin. However, I am more favorable toward the peoples side in this case. Police officers use to be wholesome. They were the good guys. They were not feared. Now, people rather deal with crime in their own ways, rather than call upon those whose jobs were to serve and protect, because more often than not, those enforcers kill, mame, or otherwise injure and make the situations worse.

#sayhisname and in doing so, send blessings to his loved ones. That their pain is eased, and that justice isn't blind, and that good, positive, lasting changes are made.

Thursday, April 23, 2020

Working out again. Week 1

Well friends, it has come to that time. As some of you who have been with me through all my up's and down's, you know that I have struggled with weight most of my life.
It's the entire reason that I even started Hello Cupcake Its Me. Hello Cupcake It's Me was originally about my struggles with being Diabetic, Over Eating, and my Mental Health. Over the years the blog and the focus of it has changed many times. Sometimes it was only focusing on my mental health, sometimes it was just a personal diary, and other times it just kinda sat there with no activity at all.

Well I always said that I would never be 500lbs/230kg and well 2020 finds me not only knocking on the door of being 500lbs, but coming in to sit and visit. At my last doctors appointment I was 497lbs. And a few weeks later, we had the Covid-19 lockdown happen. So along with that went any little physical activities that I had done. I noticed that I had begun eating even more before the lockdown. It was like I was daring myself to see how much I could eat, and how much weight I could gain.
But in the back of my mind I knew that I had to make a change. I know its only 1 week into my workout routine, and that these musings are nothing more than hopeful words at this time, but I am really honestly going to try and keep this up. I wont lie, I hurt like hell most days, due to having arthritis, poor joints, being overly obese, and I never fully recovered my lean body muscle from when I had Diabetic Ketoacidosis.

The workouts that I have been doing are Gentle Tai Chi and doing a walking at home video called Walking Down Your Blood Sugar's  that my Diabetes Educator gave me years ago. Along with that I have been walking around the parking lot of the local park. They have a track that is 1 mile long, but currently I am not able to complete it as of yet. So I walk around the parking lot, which after 2 laps gives me about 1178 steps give or take.

I have downloaded a few apps to my phone to help me on this journey. I use to use Myfitnesspal, however, since Under Armour bought them out, they have changed and everything is now a "fee" or and advertisment which really sucked because I loved that program. So now im using Lose It for Android, Water Time, and Pedometer Step Counter. All 3 are great little programs that have paid versions too but have enough free features to make it work using. Lose It is my MyFitnessPal replacement. It has a barcode scanner so you can scan your food and get the info and get a basic idea of what you've eaten throughout the day. The paid feature allows you to track carbs and what have you, but for now just having a "point" system is all that I care about. Water Time tells me to drink water ever hour, which sounds easy but OMG its difficult with all the urination that comes along with drinking 85oz of water a day, I think the majority of my workout is getting up and running to the bathroom every 7 minutes.

But you know I am just doing the best that I can and I am praying to god that I can keep up this momentum. I really do need to make these changes. I dont want to go under the knife for gastric bypass but I really dont want to end up on My 600lb Life either. I know its going to be a long journey and a struggle. I didnt get fat over night, im not going to get healthy over night either.

FYI those links above are affiliate links to Amazon. So if you click and purchase I may get a little compensation for it.

Wish me luck guys im going to need it.

Saturday, April 4, 2020

What day is it

Well as we begin to close out week 3 of the COVID-19 Lockdown I have begun to lose track of days. I know a lot of people are saying the same thing. That they only know that its "today" and that "yesterday" they did XYZ and "tomorrow" they are doing such and such.
Its really strange being isolated this way. Like you still have some freedom, but you are looked at like some kind of parah if you leave your house, even to check the mail. The looks I get from the people passing by is kind of funny. But seriously, i'm done with this crap.
I had hoped that we would be out of quarantine on April 15th, but now they are saying its going to be May 4th. Which is an interesting date into of itself. Being a Star Wars nerd, I chuckle about the whole "May the 4th be with you" so to arbitrarily assign a "release" date especially on that day seems funny to me.

My mental health so far is okish. When I start getting to "pinned up" I will go to the grocery store and buy a few things, and then take the long way home. Im trying to be productive in my time locked to the house. But I have found that in that regard nothing has really changed. I have been trying to keep myself and my mind busy so that depression and the bipolar doesn't get out of hand. Im focusing on trying to construct a YouTube studio and have been watching a lot of videos on how to do that and how to do it on a budget. I've upped the production quality on my videos and have some gear so that I can make them look better. If you haven't checked out the channel I would suggest that you do, as there are things that I blog about that I dont make a vlog about and vise versa.

Click here to go to the YouTube Channel. 

What are you doing to keep busy during the lockdown? How are you making it through your day?

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

COVID-19 Lockdown

Day 2 into the COVID-19 lockdown and it is good-ish so far. For the most part it really hasnt affected me as my local grocery store is still open, and most of the restaurants around town are still open but for curbside orders only. But anything "fun" like going to the bar or out to the movies is a no go. Which is ok I guess, as there really isnt anything out that I want to watch right now any ways. But not going to the bar is something new for me. I dont really drink, but I have been enjoying going to the local watering hole every thursday for $0.50 chicken wings and meeting up with friends. You can feel a tension in the air. People are taking things on the chin for the most part. But you can tell that the wick is short and the powder keg is primed and ready to explode.
For several days, I have been having nightmares, and feeling like things are going to be changing in a big way and that this whole thing is just a trojan horse that is going to lead to something more sinister and permanent.

The isolation is what is the hardest to deal with. As someone who deals with depression, it is a trigger to be isolated. Its one thing when I am depressed and want to stay in bed all day, but its another thing when I am feeling "good" and wanting to go out and do all of the things, which strangely is the case right now. I can't sleep, and im restless. So I have been doing a lot of YouTube videos, and some other projects. Im thinking that I am going to end up doing some massive spring cleaning, and making a bunch of trips to the local dumpster and to the dump if its still open. I wnet out the other day and bought a large bag of cat food and I still need to get another bag or two of litter but if all else fails I can always just shovel some dirt into my cats box. But I will admit, I am worried and stressed over all of this. But aren't we all?

Stay strong guys. We'll make it through this. Right?

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