Hurt, finding hope, and holding space

It's been awhile since I've posted, so where to begin? 

I've made it my mission to make 2026 the year of investing in myself. I've begun by renovating my wardrobe. Purchasing beautiful new clothing, and making more of a physical investment for myself. I love nice clothing, and having fabulous accessories.

2024 taught me who was in my corner and what happens when I start focusing on my life without those people in it. It also showed me that with hard work and devotion I was able to publish my book. 2025 taught me who I was, and my place in the world, and became the catalyst for mental health care. 2026 I vowed not to allow anyone access to my peace, and to invest in connections and self, not clutter.

This brand new holistic approach that I am taking for myself has also placed me in the midst of being counselor for others which is amazing unto itself. One such interaction happened the night of me writing this post. A new friend is going through a tremendous amount of changes and stress and their mental health is not where it needs to be and just listening to them talk about how dark things are getting for them and being able to see part of myself in their story I understand where they are at and how much work needs to be done and how that work feels so monumental at the same time. And so for several hours today we just spoke and allowed tears to flow and just allowed things to kind of take place where they wherever the conversation lettuce is where we went. And looking at the disassociative identity disorder I felt my therapist side come forward and was fronting and being comforting and being logistical and listening to what was being said not for the ability to react but for the ability to understand I did a lot of what my peer counseling education taught us to do that we listen more than we talk and when we talk we utilize our own personal stories that are relevant to the conversation at hand and to bring our pure closer to us so that it doesn't seem like they are wondering through this vast darkness by themselves and always promoting hope always promoting acceptance and always promoting self advocacy and speaking to their strengths. And where it has left me emotionally drained especially since I have been going through some rather difficult bipolar moments that until just recently I had no idea where this surge in emotional feelings actually connected at and I realized that on February 14th is when I had to place my cat at into the vet and euthanize her and just how absolutely horrible I felt and how quiet the house was and how just absolutely distraught I was and then needing to talk to my biological mom needing to talk to my dad needing to talk to my grandmother and realizing that none of them are here any longer has really stirred up of myriad of emotions. 

But through it all I must comes that I'm getting rather good about the things that have taken place and I look forward to the future.