What the hell just happened?

So today has been really interesting and at writing this I realize its been a minute since Ive updated. Sorry about that. I have been torn in different directions and doing a lot of YouTube videos when I should be writing more here.

So over the last week or so I have really been trying to clean up my house and make it look less like a bomb went off and more like a "bachelor pad." In summer of 2016 I took a trip to California, and was gone for about 3 weeks. During that time my sister and niece redid my bedroom, and cleaned my kitchen and a few other areas of my house.
It was a total shock to me to see that they had done it. So they laid out the foundation for what I had been trying to do for the longest time.
So today when I got up, I began my cleaning. And I turned on music and began to kind of zone out. Then out of the blue ALL THE EMOTIONS hit me. I was like "seriously are you fucking with me right now?"

I spent 30mins maybe more just crying. Not any reason that I could really think of other than stirring up negative energies from cleaning my house. I know it sounds weird, but I am a believer that energies and things like that can hold onto items and when you disturb it, it takes to the air like dust.
Then to top it off, I came across a notebook that had suicide letters in them from a few years ago. I wrote letters to each of the people who I thought were going to miss me the most at the time. I did it just to get shit off my chest, but incase things got really bad it was a system I had in place as my final parting words.

So yeah to say its been an emotional day, is to discredit the shit storm it really was. I feel better right now But am planning on doing  a video here in a little bit which may rip the scab off and cause me to start crying again, but I know tht there are those of you who prefer the blog verses the video format but I just want to get it out in both areas so that regardless if you read about it or watch it, hopefully it can and will help someone.