HELLO CUPCAKE ITS ME

My Battle With Depression, Weight loss, and Diabetes

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Where are the answers?

I’ve been toying with this post now for about 3 days. I really have had a ton on my mind. I have a billion questions and really no answers even to the simplest ones. I am feeling spiritually, emotionally, and physically drained and lost. The worse part about it is that I have no idea what put me here and why I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

I am honestly conflicted in so many aspects of my life that I feel as if I am drowning. I have my personal life which is lacking and has been for the last 10 years, and I am trying to develop a plan or some kind of strategy to fix it and get something going or at least 3 of the 4 wheels back on the track. A really good friend of mine said that I might not want the change, or want a relationship because I have been alone so long that I am just accustomed to it or “institutionalized” as it were. I would like to think that isn’t the case, and that I am just waiting to see what plays out in all aspects and actually approaching things with a clear level head, and not rushing into things like I had in the past. I don’t want something because its “easy” and “right now” I want something that is going to be self sustaining.

The next issue that I am having is I have been very up and down with my overall health the last few weeks. Two weeks ago I got this weird stomach thing that just took away all my appetite and left me feeling sick and ‘heavy’. I think that is what really put me in a spiral because I wasn’t sleeping well, I wasn’t eating or anything. Though I am not really sure.

I keep my stress, anger, and over all general concerns and feelings to myself a lot. Yes there are those times when I do blow up and my Bipolar gets the best of me, but over all there is A LOT that I hold back. I really am trying to be less ‘in your face’ with many issues and just trying to bite my tongue and not say anything, which is hard because its in my nature to be very blunt, honest, and straight forward. However, I am noticing because I am not saying what is on my mind and being honest and truthful and just telling it how it is, that people are trying to take advantage of me and treat me different. Its quite interesting to me to see how people change when you change. Typically I put people in their place, or speak what’s on my mind about any given situation or subject and am very matter of fact, and cut dried with what I say, and don’t sugar coat anything regardless of age, or situation.
So it is really fascinating to see how people really change and act when they aren’t put in place or checked by someone who is ‘real’ or what have you. So I am going to continue playing this game for awhile and then when I’m done I will have a whole new arsenal to throw at people and will be able to be like ‘hey remember when you said/did this…well….” People forget and don’t understand that I am basically a tape recorder and can typically remember a bunch of stuff.

Another thing that has been really occupying my time is that I have  been stuck in the past. Just reminiscing about the time that has passed, and the people who have come in and out of my life. How I wish I could see them again, and how I am a better person for them having been in my life, and how some I wish they had never come in. However, over the last couple of years, I have come to the understanding that regardless of the role someone played in your life, that they came into it to teach you something. That there are no negative encounters, just learning experiences. Yes they may have caused a bunch of problems for you at the time, but that they were actually helping you to learn something in the process. This has taken a lot of maturing for me to develop this line of thinking but it helps me move forward in life.

So for now im going to leave it at that I am feeling lost, and have tons on my mind…maybe a week from now I wont feel this way..who knows right?

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'Protecting' Psychiatric Medical Records Puts Patients At Risk Of Hospitalization 'Switch' Critical to Wound Healing Identified 1811 2013 4 Ways to Beat Back Pain 5 hour energy 500 calories A simple soliloquy a1c AA aarp ablum accessible wheelchair car accessible wheelchair vans acne acne light treatment acting insulin acu acupressure ADD addiction ADHD adolescent victims adults Adults With Diabetes And Limited Health Literacy Less Likely To Adhere To Prescribed Antidepressants advance advise advising afghanistan Aflac Age Matters in Weight Gain: aids airsoft album review Alcoholic Alcoholics Anonymous All IT Supported alltel alzheimers AM General American College of Gastroneterology American Diabetes Association American Express ami clubwear amiclubwear.com amputation android anger animis anniversary anti radiation cell phone technology antibody antidepressants not working anxiety app application apps arginine arthritis artificial artistic aspirin Assurance Wireless asteroid atherosclerotic lesions Atlanta alcohol rehab Atlanta drug abuse rehab centers Atlanta Drug Rehab Atlanta Drug Rehab Center attack Avengers back on track back to school backup bad habbits baking banana george Banana Power bariatric surgery Barrett's Esophagus Baton Rouge battle depression bayer bayer breeze2 Bayer Contour USB bb gun BBB BE beating depression beauty become motivated before i die behealthy24.com Being sick totally sucks beta cells big blue test big foot Biomedtrics biosensor bipolar Bipolar bipolar disorder Birdman Birdman or The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance birth birth defects birthday bladder cancer blog blogging blood glucose blood glucose levels blood pressure blood sample blood sugar blood sugar level blood sugar levels blood sugar monitor blood sugars blue shield Bluetooth bmi Body By Vi 90 Day Challenge body mass index bogo bogo. buy one get one free books bottom belly bracelet Brain Discovery Could Help Schizophrenics Breaking News breast breast feed breast feeding breastfeed breastfeeding brew Broadway budget bug out bugs bullied bullying Bums burn calories buy Caffeine Vape Stix by Energy Shisha california California Pacific Medical Center call center caloric needs calorie versions cancer candychang.com Cannabidiol cannabis car car loan. car; car loan; payday; payday advance; sponsored blog; guest post; carats cardio cardiovasular disease care cause cctv security dvr cd review Celebration celiac cell phone change cheap eyeglasses cheap glasses cheap scrub cheap scrubs check into cash cheif chicago child childhood depression Childhood diabetes childhood obesity children cholesterol christmas chronic inflammatory disease chronic pain cigarette ciglites cigs clinical depression clothing coconut oil coffee coffee prevents diabetes cognitive cold colorectal cancer Comedy Central comfort food community compare computer Computer Services condos connections contour usb meter control cooking corn syrup cosmetics coupons couponten.com crafts creative outlook credit card cupcake cyber bullying daily caloric daily caloric intake dancing dark cloud david pulley Day 3 of taking Lexapro and Victoza day care daycare ddiabetes deals Death debate debit card debt decaffeinated coffee decreased gene activity deep breathing dementia Dental Work and Tooth Pain depressed Depressed Stroke Survivors May Face Triple the Risk of Death depression depression in preschoolers depression isn depression symptoms Despite Free Health Care developing diabetes development diabetes Diabetes / Diabetic News Diabetes + Depression = Increased Risk of Death diabetes exist diabetes foundation diabetes less diabetes management diabetes medication Diabetes Trials Worldwide Are Not Addressing Key Issues In Affected Populations diabetic diabetic alert dog diabetic cook book diabetic cure diabetic education videos diabetic epipen diabetic food log diabetic healing diabetic insulin diabetic logbook diabetic medical review diabetic research Diabetic Retinopathy diabetic shock diabetic software diabetic supplies diabetic. ebook diamonds diet digital camera digital logbook direct Direct Association Between Type 2 Diabetes And Obesity Found direct tv directionless dirve disability disabled disease disorders Disrupting Our Internal Clocks May Lead To A Complete Absence Of 24-Hour Bodily Rhythms And An Immediate Gain In Body Weight Ditto divorce lawyer diy mouse trap dlucose doctors donation doomsday Doughnuts down range Drexel University drinking drive drop out drug drug abuse drugs dry skin DSHS dvd e-cig e-cigarettes e-juice e-reader e-zines eastern medicine eating disorders ecigarettes Economics education Edward Norton effective treatments egg whites egg yolks electri vehicle electrical stimulation Electronic emergency emergency kit Emma Stone emotional employment empty nest EMR endocrine engraved medical id ereader ev everyone else eviction excess weight exercise exercise regularly exercise routines exterminators eye eye care eye disease eye glasses EyeBuyDirect eyebuydirect.com facebook fad diet fad diets family focused therapy Family Time fashion fatty acids favorite foods FDA feel fuller fire fish oil fitness Fitness Professionals Appreciate Online Continuing Education Options Fitness; Obesity; Diabetes; Molecular Biology; Mice; Biology flights florida Florida health kids program flu food Food and Dining food diary food network foods contain forgetfulness four more years free free android apps free diabetic wristband Free Stuff french fries fresh flowers fresh fruit Fresh Vending Machines fructose fructose corn syrup fruit full moon funeral Gadgets gangnam style Gastroesophageal gastroparesis GE X500 Power Series genes genes linked to bipolar GERD gestational diabetes Gestational Diabetes Patients Will Develop Type 2 Diabetes Give Aways giving glasses glooko glucagon Gluco(M) Glucofact glucose glucose levels glucose log glucose management glucose meter gluten free glycemic control glycemic foods glycemic index glycemic indexes godaddy google gout grain foods green tea group guest blog guest post hair loss handicap accessible vans handicap minivans handicap vans handicapped vans happy Happy Birthday Hello Cupcake It's Me happy birthday to me :) happy holidays Harvey Birdman hba1c health health benefits health care healthier fast food healthy healthy foods healthy lifestyle healthy snack hearing loss heart heart attack heart broken Heart Disease; Cholesterol; Stroke Prevention; Diseases and Conditions; Chronic Illness; Heart Disease; Cholesterol; Stroke Prevention; Diseases and Conditions; Chronic Illness; diabetes Heart Disease; Cholesterol; Stroke Prevention; Diseases and Conditions; Chronic Illness; stroke Heart Disease; Cholesterol; Stroke Prevention; Diseases and Conditions; Chronic Illness; Vioxx heart monitor heart on my sleeve heart problems heart rate heath and beauty hello hellocupcakeitsme.com help hemoglobin Her high blood sugar high school High-Fat Foods May Be A Factor In Glucose Control hiv hiv1 hiv2 hobbytron.com holiday holiday's home security alarms home testing Homeless Homeless Shelter Homer Simpson honda hospitalization Household Income Affects Chronic Disease Control In Kids Humalog Human IPSC Humor Humulin R U-500 hunger hungry hurt on the job hyperglycima hyperglycimic hypertension hypoglycemia hypoglycemic hypoglycemic episode iBGStar Blood Glucose Monitoring System Ice Cream Image improvement including mufa foods infection infested infographic information injury inspriation insulated bag Insulin insulin injections insulin patch insulin pump insulin shot record insurance claims internal medicine Interspecies Transplant investments ios ios 5 iphone iphone 4 its iTunes Iwerkz Foldable Bluetooth Keyboard Review Jenna Mables jewelry joann joann fabric and craft store joint pain Journal of Alzheimer's Disease juwait Keek kenguru ketoacidosis occurs kicking the habbit kid kidcare kids Killings kindle kindle fire kitchen counter kombucha Labor and Industry Lamp;I lantus Late-Life Depression lawyer learning issues legal help Lexapro LG Rumor libido life lifestyle changes light box lincoln Link Between Creativity and Mental Illness Confirmed in Large-Scale Swedish Study Lipohypertrophy living loan Lone Star College Shooting loneliness lose weight losing weight loss plan lost low blood sugar low glucose levels Low income cell phone low income glasses low t low testosterone lower glucose lowering lowering glucose levels Luminaze lung health lyrics lyrics of depression Mainframe Support makeup managing diabetes Manic marijuana market mary lambert Master Card maya angelou Maya Angelou dead at 86 me meal plan meal prepping meals require medflash media / television medicaid Medical medical condition medical help Medical Review Medical Studies medical studies. medicare medicare part d medication medicines meditation melody road memory loss men's health Mental Health mental health issues Menu menu options merry christmas metabolic syndrome metabolism metabolites metersync blue miami Michael Keaton microstimulator military minimum purchases mission d.a.d mission dad Mixed Results On Computer-based Support For Diabetes mobility money money saving moods motivation mourning movie review Movie Reviews music music thearpy musings/thoughts/ideas must have MV-1 n-3 Fatty Acids Nanoparticle Suspension and Ultrasound Deliver Insulin Without Regular Injections natural home remdies natural suppliments need needing help needles needy negative thoughts neil diamond Network/Community networking new app new baby New Jersey's Universtiy of Medicine and Dentistry new medication New smart contact lens could monitor glucose for diabetics Nick Jonas night lights nissan no insulin Nook Tablet BNTV400 Review north aferica nova nordisk Now that the holidays are over obama obama phone obama wins 2012 obese Obesity obituries OCD ODD Oil Pulling Olycap omega-3 onetouch online magazines online medical records optical zoom optical123.com Optimus ERM optogenetics oral health oral hiv test oral swab oraquick overcome depression Oxygen paid marketing pancreas parental depression parkinsons party passing Paula Deen pay attention payday payday advance paying kids to attend school pedometer personal food chart Personal Post pest pests photography pills ping plam beach county Plays poet port townsend positive thoughts Postpartum Depression pot prayer pre-owned pre-school pregnancies pregnancy prepper prepping preschool prescription president prevent complications prices processed foods product Product Review products Progress Project 1811 project rudolph proline promo codes promotional Promotions psoriasis Psy public health publich education purchas questioning quit smoking raisins reaching out real butter real-estate really scare rearrange recipes Record red meat red wine reefer reflux regenerate regular exercise rehab remodel research resistance resource resources retail therapy retinopathy revamp review Reviewing the Vapourlites Blueberry/Strawberry E Juice revitalift rich foods risk roller coaster russia rx s.a.d sadness safe sex safelink Safelink wireless sale salt Sandy Hooks Elementary School Schooting saving money savings scar school School Shooting schooling scrubs for cheap seasonal affective disorder Seattle self diagnosis self help self love self medicating senior resources seo sesame seed oil sex Shindigz Coupon Code Shootings shopping Short story shot record sick side-effects simple tips SIN TAX Site Review skin care skin tags skip meals skipping meals sleep sleep apnea smaller meals smart car smart cars smart phone smoker smokes smoking social media social security sodium software sore throat sores south beach south beach diet spiral notebook sponsored sponsored review sponsored; lawyer; family; legal; issues; sponsored/guest post spot removal. ssi Statin Labels stem cell stock pile stomach pain stoner stop smoking store stress stretch marks study submit submitted substitutions successfully lose weight sugar free sugar levels sugary foods suicidal thoughts suicide Supplementation Of Alternative Fuels Could Protect The Brain During Hypoglycemia support surgery survival systemic inflammation taboo tai chi take out tax tea tech teen teen mental health teens television temporary mood test animals test strips testicle testicular cancer testing testing supplies testosterone thanksgiving the learning company the lines project. #thelinesproject thearpy therapy thought Three Devastating Statistics of Diabetes Medical Malpractice title to write love on her arm tone Tosh.O toxins Tracfone trained professional transaction travel treatment trend diets tribute to my father triglycerides tsa tweets twitter twloha type 3 diabetes type-1 type-2 type-2 diabetes U.S. Medicare Part D Can't Explain North-South Disparities UK News ultra long acting UMDNJ underlying reasons Undiagnosed Pre-Diabetes Highly Prevalent in Early Alzheimer's Disease Study unhealthy unhealthy foods up and coming artist up and down upcoming holidays update uric acid usb value of a dollar vans for handicap vans for handicapped vans for wheel chairs mobility vans vans for wheenchairs vape vapor vapourlites vendor Veterans Day Video violation violence Visa Visiting Your Doctor Following ER Care For Chest Pain Reduces Risk Of Heart Attack vitamin d vitamin deficiency walking walking chart walnuts contain washington water waterski weed week in review Week of learning weigh yourself weighing yourself weight weight loss weight loss chart weight loss goals weight loss plan weight loss program weight loss success weight loss tips weight slowly what is it What Your Skin Says About Your Health wheel chair wheel chair vans wheelchair wheelchair vans where to buy cheap scrubs whipped butter winter blues womens health Work Out workman's compensation workout X-Men x500 xanax Xenotransplantation Young people with diabetes dying due to lack of adequate healthcare Yourtel youtube YouTube Internet Sensations Then and Now

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