Searching for Happiness

So recently the question was posed to me, what would you do in order to find happiness. So I began thinking about it and all that I have done in my life to find said ‘happiness’.

You see long ago I learned that happiness is an illusion that is imposed upon us by outside forces. Advertisements and listening to others talk about how happy they are because they have this or that and so on. But I began to think to myself, what makes one person happy, may not make another happy. I know that for myself I can not place my happiness in minuscule things. I don’t judge or base my happiness off of what others have verses what I have or have not, that is “Keeping up with the Jones’s” type behavior.

Then while talking to someone they said “I wouldn’t be happy until I was with someone.” I thought to myself about how sad a statement that was to have been made. Why is it that people feel that in order to be happy you need to have someone in your life? I find it rather taxing to have that train of thought. You see I don’t believe you can be happy until your happy with yourself and with your life. You do not need to be forever alone, but how are you going to be happy and make another person happy if you can not spend more than 15 minutes alone, by yourself, with nothing else going on around you?

I have heard time and time again how people are looking for relationships or partners to make them more complete. I understand that we as humans need interactions with others. But why it is that people feel the need to couple without first being able to be happy on their own? I know people fear being alone and never having someone to love or that could or would love them. But forcing something just for the sake of being involved with someone is just a foreign concept to me. 

Basing your happiness on being with someone is like what Juliet said to Romeo about swearing their love on the moon “O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, That monthly changes in her circled orb, Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.” That is exactly how I feel about people who rush into relationships or make such statements. Maybe its because I have lived and been alone for so many years, or maybe it’s because I’ve been come cynical and jaded, or maybe yet its because I know how fleeting things are. I don’t know. All that I do know is that I feel a sort of empathy for these people, and hope that they do find what they are looking for, though doubtfully they ever will, though I do wholly understand the pursuit and journey.

I have just come to understand that happiness is all around me. I don’t need someone to complete me. Would I like to have someone in my life, well of course. Do I need someone in my life, no. Do I want a family, yes that would be amazing (maybe). However, I do not base such happiness's on fleeting things or whimsical ideals.

Maybe me being alone has caused me to become calloused and unloving. But I know for myself that when I am in a relationship that I am fiercely loyal, loving and kind. However, I do not wish to have to undergo a complete change in myself and in my life in order to be in said relationship. I do understand that there are some personality traits that need to be worked upon in order for me to be more inviting of people into my life. I can make friends all day long, but bringing someone into my life as a romantic partner that is a bit more difficult.

I was speaking to a friend about this, and held back much of what I wanted to say on the subject. But it basically boils down to this (at least for me that is) that in order for someone to love you, they first need to be accepting of you. You do not come into someone's life and train them to your likings, or try to change them 100%. No, instead you come into their lives to enrich it, and to begin a new journey together.
We all have our slight character flaws which will always rub someone the wrong way no matter how you try to handle the situation. However, that is part of being in a relationship, loving them for who they are. Personal change is always a good thing, but not if it completely changes the person. Then they are a robotic copy of what you want and they become inorganic. Another thing that is key in any and all relationships is COMMUNICATION. Without communication there can not be any revenue for each others feelings. When forming relationship you need to always have strong communications. Basing your relationship on sex or another factor is just a recipe for disaster. What happens if your sex life dies out, or if you and the other person loose interest in whatever first brought you two together?

I could go on and on about this topic, but I am posing the question….what is your search for happiness? Why do you feel having that thing in your life would make you more happy? And be honest with yourself and see just what you come up with.