Trying to see the good

My depression really seems to be getting the better of me lately. I was doing good with taking my meds but have fallen off the band wagon again. I dont know WTF happens to me I think that I have self destructive longings. I always use to take care of myself and never would allow myself to fall into such disrepair. I spend countless hours in bed and really don't ever want to leave it and find it super taxing to do so. Maybe someday I'll be feeling better again.