Just a late night post

Sitting here late at night just lost in thought, and going through the motions of not being locked up in my room, so Im forcing myself to be out in the living room, but really all I want to do is be in my room laying in my bed. I know that its not a healthy thing, but its part of my day to day.

I sometimes think that it would be nice to have a dog or something, so that I would be forced to do something other than just lay around and feel sad and depressed, but I have my cats Bella and Scrappy

I love both of my cats but really sometimes its just not enough. I get so lonely and upset and just frustrated. I know that a lot of the problems that I have going on is because of my depression, bipolarism, and the diabetes (sugar rage). I really don’t know what the point of this post is about tonight, I’m just in a weird place right now, I know it’ll change as soon as I go to bed and wake up in the morning. But that is it, Im tired of being tired, and always sleeping, but when I sleep Im not sad, im not  angry, Im just at peace.

I long for peace, but there is so much anger and hurt inside of me that I feel like the weight of it will never be lifted. I put on so many masks to help me navigate through out my long days and endless nights. So for now Im going to end this for now, and try to find something on tv to watch.