My Battle With Depression, Weight loss, and Diabetes

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Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Bipolar Monster

Lately I have just been a rage monster. I havent even wanted to be around myself let alone having to deal with people. It seems like lately around 3pm give or take it happens. I start getting frustrated with everything, and then I start making mistakes in whatever Im doing at the time and then I get pissed off about the mistake, get mad at myself, and then it just spirials out of control from there. I honestly dont know what to do, let alone why it has happened.
Ive been sleeping a lot lately and I've noticed that the twitching in my eye and face has come back. Typically with that, it means that I am under stress. However, I dont know what I have to stress about. I am tight on money right now. But that is nothing new. I just feel like im dragging around these chains, that are weighing me down. And I have begun this new thing where if I am doing something I will "hear" a voice in my head saying "you dont deserve (insert whatever) right now". There have been times when going through mental health, that I have seen this on the questioner sheet, "do you feel like you deserve..." and I always wondered what they were talking about or why they would ask this question. So I think what im going to do the next time that this bullshit flares up. Im going to go to the woods or to the beach and just try to  get it all out of my system. Last night I punched a water bottle...seriously who the fuck does that? Im just in a bad way right now with my emotions being seriously raw.


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