Late nights

 This last week has been very interesting. If you follow the YouTube or the Podcast, then you'll know that there are a lot of things that going on right now. Firstly, my biological mother's health has been greatly declining and has only about 4 - 6 months to live. I went to Portland to see her, begrudgingly, but knowing that the trip would more than likely be the last time that I saw her. I didn't want to see her in the condition that she's currently in. But having worked in Hospice and in nursing homes, I kind of knew what I was walking into.

And seeing her in the condition she's in, I know that it's not going to be much longer. When someone is in the beginning stages of passing, there are tell-tell signs. They begin to go fetal; their joints begin to become stiff and ridged, and then the "death rattle", which is usually some respiratory issues like labored breathing, constant coughing, or an excess of phlegm and mucus, and "the smell". 
So, walking into her apartment, I instantly recognized all of these things, and laying eyes on her for the first time in almost 3yrs, I could tell.

So, prior to all of this, I have had really bad insomnia, which has played hell with my daily going-on's. But having made peace with the whole situation at hand, I believe that I'm "ready". I talked to my therapist about it and my new therapist as well and we have worked on somethings. But one shining light in all of this, is that there is someone new whose come into my life and has been a nice reprieve from my typical life. Over the last few days, I believe we've become pretty close, and I am excited to see where it goes. However, I am a bit cautious and to no fault of theirs. I am just taking things slowly, and if things turn romantic in nature, awesome, if not and we just remain friends, awesome.

I have also halted working on the book for right now, just because I need time to digest things and wait for the new editor to become ready. So, just living the dream and trying not to wake up, is the order of the day. But all in all, just content for the first time in quite sometime.