What to do

 So as per usual I get a midnight phone call about the biological egg carton, telling me that she is back on her way to the hospital and that she is being well HER!

I honestly don’t know what to do about her, let alone do I actually want to do anything about her. My night was peaceful and nice, just watching the Simpson’s and playing with my cat. Now a kind of gloom has set in. It’s not the stress of “oh my poor old mom is in the hospital what ever shall I do” its more of, well shit, now what. She’s on a self destructive journey and has it in her head that living on the streets at 71yrs old is going to be the best thing for her. The people she is staying with currently are doing their best, or so they tell me that they are, to take care of her.

I really would like to see her placed into a facility and just become a ward of the state as it were, so we wouldn’t have to worry about the what if’s all of the time. But honestly I have no idea what the next step is, let alone the future. Just sweep it under the rug for now I guess, until something can be done.

Continue Reading...

Being sick as single adult

 When you are younger and you get sick, its almost like a holiday. As an adult, its anything but. As a kid you are waited on hand and foot. You got to watch The Price is Right, drink 7-Up, and ear the almighty Chicken Soup with saltine crackers. As an adult you wander around your house aimlessly. Searching for whatever comfort you can find. If you are hungry, you have to find the food and cook it yourself. With a raging fevor as hot as the skillet you are cooking in. Then you have to doctor yourself up, eat your food which is probably burned because you were zoning out in a sickness induced fevor dream.

As a kid, the passing of time had no bairing on you. As an adult you look at the clock and realizing that your days are flying by. You contiune to worry about bills, getting back to work, and everything between. I am a bit of the both. I am a single adult, who doesn’t work due to medical retirement, and I watch the days tick by. At the time or writing this, its been 6 days since I started getting sick. Im constantly tired. My fevor comes and goes, and all the food in the house needs to be cooked and I have no staminia to make any of it.

In short, I wish I was still at home being looked after by my grandmother or my mom. I dont want to be an adult right now lol. But what do you do, but get better as fast as you can and get back to life right?

Continue Reading...

The spring and it's changes

 With spring in full bloom things are starting to look up for the better. My depression is slowly going away. I've even been gifted some really nice things! I've been given an iPad Air 2, and a MacBook. I've as yet got the MacBook to work as the power cord didn't work so now I'm waiting for it to come.

I'm actually writing this post on the new iPad. It's a bit to get used to, as I've been a PC user my whole life. But it's rather nice to have something new to learn and play with. I've also been going down a rabbit hole of a new TV program (new to me) Downton Abby. Y'all I'm in love with this show. 

Also I'm seriously falling in love with my new cat Ba-boy. He's so sweet. Don't get me wrong I loved and miss bella, but he is going to be a great friend and companion for years to come. 

So things are good. Plugging away on the YouTube channel, and the podcast. 

Continue Reading...

Doing better, feeling good!

 Well I fell as if I am finally past this last depressive spell I went through. Bella's passing, being out of sorts with my friends, feeling lonely and angry, really did a toll on me. I miss Bella daily. The adoption of Ba-Boy has really changed things in me. Im trying to keep from yelling and screaming at him, and take into consideration that even though he is a large cat, that he still is a kitten and still needs time to learn and to be trained.

Daily he does new things and shows me a new side to him. And I love him, but not as deeply as I did Bella. My heart is still very much wounded and shut off. As of right now I dont feel "attached" to him, even though im sure that I would miss him should he not be around. It's not the same. And I knew that it wouldn't be the same. And I am not placing my short comings on him as that isn't fair to him. 

So we are learning about each other still, and with time I know things will be just like they were with Bella. Having a new hobby has also be a great help. Going to the bar 2 times a week to play Trivia has been something that I have come to enjoy and actually look forward to.

There are still a great many things that I need to work on. My home, my health, and happiness. I was doing really well in getting my house under control and making it look good. But have lost that motivation. Same with my health. Though I am hoping to get back into the swing of things again here shortly. Happiness, well that will always be the carrot on the stick. 

I feel that maybe a vacation may reset things. Perhaps a trip to my mothers, and get away for a few days would be good. Maybe go for a few days and get away from it all. However, I dont know about that either. Just for now I am feeling good and hoping that it stays this way for a while.

Continue Reading...

Another upswing?

 Things seem to be normalizing again after this last bout of depression. I know I say that quite a bit. But yeah that was almost 5 months long this time around. Yes, there were some contributing factors that kept it going, like the loss of my dear sweet Bella. I still tear up about losing her and seeing old pictures of her. I love my new cat Ba-Boy. He is a total nerd and filled with so much love. We are still learning about each other, but for the most part I think that he is going to be a good dude.

My friendships across the board seem to be stable right now, and I have even made some new friends in the process. Which is strange to think about how horribly depressed I was, and still managed to somehow make new friends? Finding the new hobby of going to the bar and playing trivia on Tuesday and Wednesday has been a lot of help. And I really do have fun and look forward to it. 

I have started making a list of things that I need to do and want to do, in regards to my house and just trying to get things situated in my life. Im tired, and lack the energy to do things much anymore. But I know that I have to try and make some changes, because sleeping all day isnt good for me. Nor is my increasing weight. But right now im doing good just to keep my eyes open and moving forward most days.

But one step at a time. 

Continue Reading...

Maybe it's ADHD

 

So over the last 6 months I have started following a few diagnosed ADHD people on social media platforms like Tik Tok and Facebook, and have begun questioning my own mental health diagnosis as I have found that most often that ADHD seems to be undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. 

I've also recently learned about a thing that some people with ADHD do called "Body Doubling" where they need the presence of another person there in order for them to accomplish a task. I found that I unknowingly do this when I have to clean or do the dishes. I like to talk on the phone. If I am talking on the phone I can get things done, where if I am "by myself" I cant seem to do the task at hand.
So many times a girlfriend of mine will call me at night and I will begin wanting to do the dishes, or do laundry, or some other cleaning task that I have put off. And if the person on the phone wants to hang up, I find that is the time that whatever task I was doing at time is "finished". 

For example, my friend called me the other night, and I started doing dishes. I stopped when she had to hang up and haven't really been near my sink in 3 days. In one Tik Tok video, a guy was showing himself being "painfully bored" and his 'roommate' (played by himself) was like 'dude wtf is wrong with you' and the guy who was painfully bored described in metaphoric terms what he was experiencing. And it was like a light bulb turned on, because I go through those times where I "need" to do something but "cant". 

I do not own this video, but this is almost 100% of how I feel at any one given time.

Posted by Michael Scott Peterson on Thursday, March 3, 2022

Continue Reading...

Shameless

		Shameless Plugs
	Check out the newest addition to the Hello Cupcake It's Me family. The Hello Cupcake It's Me a Podcast, now broadcasting wherever you stream your favorite podcasts from. Click here to go to Anchor.fm or Spotify			Now you can gift your favorite YouTube star a coffee and help support the channel. There are exciting memberships too. Click Here

 

Continue Reading...

Hello Cupcake It's Me a Podcast

Well y'all I am now going to be doing a biweekly podcast. I will be taking the YouTube videos that I make and turning them into podcasts, that will be published on Spotify and Google Podcasts. And if you are the podcast listening type of person, now you will be able to follow along in video or audio format. So a lot of what I am going to be posting on YouTube is going to make it into podcast format too.

As of right this minute I will not be doing exclusive podcast shows. However that may change in the future.

So go check out the new podcast https://anchor.fm/hellocupcakeitsme 

 

Continue Reading...

Showing support via Buy Me A Coffee

Hello Readers.

Now you can help show your support by buying me a coffee. I offer several membership levels, each with their own features and starting at only $5 USD a month.

Help support and keep things up and running and get me a cup of Emotional Support Coffee. 

Get started by checking out the page click here
 

Continue Reading...

A bit of progress (I think)

 So it has officially been two weeks since I've started monitoring my eating and trying to get out and walk and I will admit that I am starting to feel good again. Im taking my supplements and drinking water with apple cider vinegar in it and cutting back on my snacking, and trying to limit the sugar intake.

I believe that I have already lost about 5lbs. And since getting an air fryer, I have been cooking most of my meals exclusively in it. My afternoon naps are maybe 45 minutes if even that long. I lay there just long enough to rest and then I am back up and at it. 

I still am not able to do a full mile walk. When I did force a mile out of me, I suffered the rest of that day and most of the next. So I am going to continue to take it slow and work back up. I was given some CBD lotion, so im going to start using that like I once did. Because I remembered when I started walking, I was using that once or twice during the walk. I would put some on, wait a few minutes for it to get to working and then I would reapply once I got to the end of  the trail and had to turn around and go back. I am hoping to be able to do my 2 mile a day walk. I love that stretch of forest, and all the green and birds singing really make it nice.

So all i have to do is keep up and continue doing my best. Every step counts.

Continue Reading...