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So this is the confessions of a part time hoarder. By that I mean, I never meant to become one in the first place. It all started off after I made a move to a different state. Going from having a larger space, to a smaller space, and the onset of mental illness.I at the age of 26 began to go down a downward spiral and declining health. At 27 I was placed in the hospital for undiagnosed Diabetes and Diabetic complications. After my stay in the hospital, I moved to Washington. In doing so it exacerbated my mental health and caused me to withdraw. Living with family who didn't understand me and still to this day do very little to understand me or my illnesses, caused serious depressive issues and bipolar mood swings. 3 people living in a small 2 bedroom home was a crowding issue to begin with. Forcing someone who had an almost 300 sq ft room to a room that was less than 30 sq ft with all the accoutrements of the previous room, begins the building blocks for that downward descent.
At the time of writing this blog post, I am soon to be 36 as of March 16th. I am working toward getting right with me. For well over 7 years, I allowed my home to be a reflection of the inner turmoil that was my mental state. I had begun asking for help as the state of the house and my world was to much for me to bare and it was just to much for me to do on my own. So after having reached out to countless people and organizations and being declined, I gave up. In the summer of 2016 I took a trip "home" to go see my mom. While I was there my sister, her boyfriend, and my niece came through my house and made it 60% better. When I got home, I had a new bedroom set up, and my kitchen was clean, and my living room for partially done. I spent 4 weeks, day in and day out doing the rest of my house. My living room alone took me 2 days moving at a pace that wasn't to much for me. The I turned my attentions to my dining room. That room took me 4 days to accomplish.
Meanwhile the rest of the house began to decline due to use and lack of upkeep. Because my living room, dining room, and kitchen all connect, it seemed that one became the holder of things for the other. So it was like cleaning 3 rooms at the same time. It very much seemed at times like there was this vicious cycle of out weighing ratio of dirty to clean. Eventually I was able to tackle my dining room, living room, and my kitchen (however, it is a constant struggle of upkeep as it is the room I use the most.) Then I began turning my focus to my bathroom. It is coming along, however since it is the 3rd most used room in my house, and one that i seem to always "store" stuff in, it is a work in progress that will eventually get completed.
Mind you, I have revamped it from the state that it was in. But there is still much that needs to be fixed in there. I need to repair a sink, and get a new shower enclosure. All things that I will eventually have to tell my landlord about. But I also need him to replace my washer and dryer. Of which my wash room needs cleaning as well. However, I have done a significant amount of cleaning in there already, I just need to get some of the old clothing that I can no longer wear, out of there and then call him in. The biggest most pain in the ass project is going to be my bathroom, as he is in his late 70's mid 80's, it means that what would take a younger person only a day to complete, will take him probably a week or so to fix. During this time my water will have to be shut off and I will have to be put up in a hotel per Washington state law. I also have 2 cats, in which I will have to home with me in whatever place im at for the time that he is in my house. All of this is hopeful that he doesn't serve me with an eviction notice for the amount of repairs that need to be made.
So right now I am taking a break from working on my old bedroom and the bullfuckery therein. Having no transportation to go to the county landfill makes it very hard to get significant amounts of work done. But this too shall pass, albeit like a kidney stone, it shall pass. I will try to post after pictures of the room i'm currently working on. Please do not think less of me, I am doing my best to change 7yrs of depression and the effects of mental illness.
I have had massive burnout lately and I am sorry about not getting this updated like I should. But in other news I have been upping the game on 
So today has been really interesting and at writing this I realize its been a minute since Ive updated. Sorry about that. I have been torn in different directions and doing a lot of YouTube videos when I should be writing more here.
I have been doing a lot of art lately. Mainly painting. I took up painting when I was in college and found that I really love doing so, although Im not really that "good" at it. Typically when Im depressed or in one of my manic bipolar moods it really seems to help, if I throw on some music and just paint my emotions. Does that mean the piece im doing is all dark and emo? No, it just means that im angry, or sad and put paint to brush, to canvas, and what transpires is whatever comes out.
and the GE is a 16mpx. Now when Im actually going out on a photoshoot, I like to take my GE, as there are a lot of features and functions that my phone just doesnt have. The one thing that my cam has that my phone doesnt is Image Stabilization. I really miss that feature on my phone as I have to take 3 pictures to get one, many times..jpg)
You know, I understand depression and that feeling of being utterly alone and the dark thoughts that creep into ones head. In the past I have self medicated and done everything from shutting down and sleeping to actively pushing people away. It is hard at times, and it is so easy to just give in to the feeling of "oh well no one will miss me, my life sucks". But allowing yourself to swim and drown in that pool of despair is never going to change things or put you on the right path.
A long time ago I began living my life from minute to minute. Never planning anything for no more than an hour at a time. I use to be one of those people who carried around a day planner, and marked every second of my day in it and was lost without it. But something just said to me one day when I was super stressed "just let it go". Now I know it sounds like a really simple thing, but truly think about "just letting go" and what the means. For me, it meant not worrying about all the IF's and But's of life. Not worrying about money, bills, housing, etc. Now if you have followed me for any length of time, you will know that in the very begining of this blog that I was quite different. That I was worried about how things were going to come together and how I was going to make it. Well I must confess that once I stopped worrying about things, things got so much simpler and easier. When I quit worry about my bills, they became less, and I always seem to find the means to pay them. When I stopped worrying about where my next meal was coming from, my cupboards and refrigerator began filling up.
With the recent tragedy of electing Trump into Presidency we are already seeing the racial backlash of it. Reading the heart break on social media, and hearing it on the streets, is America "great again"?
